Kya Bura hain...Kya Bhalaa
Hosake tho Jalaa..Dil jalaa..

Muskuraana Sehthe jaana..Chaahne ki Rasm Hain..
Na Lahoo na Koi Aansoo..Ishq aisa Zakhm hain..
Muskuraake zakhm khaale...Na shikhaayat koi.. Na Gilaa..
Kya bura hain...Kya Bhalaa..Hosake tho Jalaa..Dil jalaa..

Saara Din Ghazalen pironaa...Raat bhar Aawaargi..
Hatgaya daaman tho kya hain...Saada dil hain, Saadgii...
Na Dilaasaa chaaha dilne..naa Wafaadaari ka..Silsilaa
Kya Bura hain...Kya Bhalaa..Hosake tho Jalaa..Dil jalaa..
Kya Bura hain..Kya Bhalaa...

Film: Libaas; Lyrics: Gulzar; Music: R.D.Burman

I am a photographer, printing..
Some pictures I took, long ago.
It is night, just the new moon glinting..
On the smoking mountain far away...

Fireflies, here and there, are flying,
The season of winter is done..
I am busy printing and drying,
and the faces emerge one by one...

They seem to rise up from the ocean..
So strangely they come into view,
like moons from the void, in the motion,
and suddenly there is you...

Your face sprighty like a fountain..
looks up from the little bath..
A wind blowing down the mountain
strews leaves on the garden path...

The ruby light falls on the photo,
your face, smiling, tilts up and gleams.
It wants to break free from the water,
It wants to come back in dreams...

O my dear! rise up from the water,
and surface the wave with your eyes.
My breath will, I promise, warm you,
my memory will bring you, into lively skies...

But you have already hardened,
the ripple of water is still,
you must have forgotten about me -
your look is so stony and chill...

Life is hard and demanding..
and you can't live it over again,
if there is no understanding
each other to the end...

This film holds many others,
friends still hidden from sight,
urging me on and on,
to print the photographs in tone..
and I am working here all alone...

.... April 21, 2002

The only way to escape unhurt in a meeting of highly opinionated individuals is not to have a opinion at all.

Flowers... their fragrances felt in life
and even on a lifeless body as a wreath...
life perhaps is just a journey
of a tender fragrance...called Breath

29.4.2002

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, through Sherlock Holmes, said - "To the man who loves art for its own sake, it is frequently in its least important and lowliest manifestations that the keenest pleasure is to be derived".

I say - "To the man who loves not only art, but also beauty for its own sake, it is frequently in its sublimally enlightening, captivating and greatest manifestations that the keenest pleasure is to be derived and savoured".

Elementary My Dear Self!

Zindagi haath mila…
saath chal, saath mein aa...
Umr bhar saath rahe..
Do kadam aur sahi…Do kadam aur sahi…

koi suraj ki dagar..koi sone ka nagar..
chaand ke rath pe chale..jahaan tehre yeh nazar..
dhup dariyaaon mein hain..
phir safar paaon mein hain..
dil ka aawara diya.. doosre gaaon mein hain..
aao chale hum wahi..
do kadam aur sahi…do kadam aur sahi…

Khwaab dhaltein hain jahaan..
dil pighaltein hain jahaan..
aao chaltein hain wahi, woh zameen door nahi…
dosti hogi wahaan..roshni hogi wahaan...
uss ujaale ke liye.. jal chuke laakhon diye..
ek hum aur sahi…
do kadam aur sahi..do kadam aur sahi…

kiski awaaz hai sunn..yeh naya saaz hai sunn..
kaun rehta hai sadaa, chal ke dekhein zaraa..
raah veeraan sahi.. raat sunsaan sahi..
har ghadi saath rahe,
kitne gam saath sahi...thode gam aur sahi….
Do kadam aur sahi… Do kadam aur sahi…

Lyrics: Rahat Indori; Soundtrack: Meenaxi - A Tale of 3 Cities

Today is one of those few days when, i admit, i hate to be alone!

This blog required an update several times. But i ignored it, only because it is increasingly transforming into a newspaper. But i really dont care!


Today afternoon, when i was driving across my street, i noticed a huge idol of Lord Ganesha (Vinayaka). It had been there since a week but i never bothered to look at it, only because the accompanying noisy (noise is sweeter) drums (the din-chak din-chak) and a swarm of drunken devotees always disgusted me enough, that i took some other route to reach my house. well, enroute, i used to see atleast 6 smaller Ganeshas...thats a different story. So today afternoon,when we were passing by that huge idol, my mother startled me with some local information, or say the information which only our colony people know. That idol was worth Rs.80,000. Shudder is the right word to describe my expression after i heard that. Rs.80,000. and the entire street is filled with posters of some esteemed rogue-like dignitaries belonging to the association which has put up that idol. Wonder how much money has been put into those hundreds of posters. The electricity. The sound arrangements for uninterrupted torture to the neighbours. How much does it all come to? How many lakhs?

People spend some lakhs on 1 such idol, and to think of it, in the entire city of Hyderabad, with thousands of idols being put up in every bylane, how much money is being invested in all this fray. We have a chief association in Hyderabad for organising this etire thing for the city. This organisation is headed by some bastards, sorry, politicians (i think it is high time the english pundits realize that both are synonyms, atleast in India)who hog money in the face of devotion(they do it for anything anyways). These people weild power in their hands. They are the people who execute this mass business and make a profit of it. They incite the people to put up so many idols. They procure the permissions from Government, and if they are denied permission anywhere, they protest on the roads, blocking the traffic and creating a havoc.

After putting them up, the Indian comedy show continues. Everyday, the locals organize a series of programs and stuff to keep the show running. These include, not just conducting prayers but also dances. I have seen people dancing to a 'Kajra Re' at one of the idols. Indeed, even devotion has come of age.

After the so called 10 days, when each and every politician involved is content with the bulge of his pocket,the time has come for immersion. Despite the cour order from Supreme Court that idols could be immersed anywhere, this great association throws every court order to thin air and passes a ruling that all the idols should be immersed only at Hussain Sagar lake. They stick to it, only because it has been TRADITION to immerse the idols there. Thus starts another comedy show. Now, thats the final call, where they can make some more money. Government itself spends huge money for immersion arrangements.

And when the D-day arrives, the investment runs into crores. be it for police, for arrangements, or for the posters(millions of them), for garlands, for procession, for drummers, arrack shops, just everything. People get drunk, and still perform the poojas. They create a mayhemwith the city traffic, and yet get away with it. the sound pollution. All this...worth some hundreds of crores. And where is that money going? Hussain Sagar Lake. Ironically, the lake wake is being cleaned 365 days a year, although i always found it stinking.

The show ends when everyone is happy, with their wants satisfied. The politicians are happy with their pockets. The public is happy with the merry ride they had, and will continue to believe that their drunk dance on the streets is enough to wash all their sins away. The priests are happy because they earned much more than what they usually earn. The owners of arrack shops and wine shops are happy because of the spike in sales. The deaf drummers are happy because they earned their share too. The police are happy because their share from the corrupt bounty reached them. The electricity department officials were silenced long ago so they dont have a reason to complain. the auto-rickshaw/trolley/lorry drivers and their owners are happy because the money reached them too. Everyone is happy. even Lord Ganesha is happy, for he has been a spectator (if he really was) to all this drama.Hundreds of Crores changed hands..and metamorphosized into devotion, dogma, fanatism, liquor,noise, insensibility and blindness. Everyone got what they wanted, atleast a share of it and there is no one left to complain.

But yes, there are few... far away. I heard that 40000 families are affected by floods caused by heavy rains, somewhere in the coastal side of Andhra Pradesh. 58 people died too.

Nevermind, we dont have time for all that. Dussehra is coming up. Its time for Durga Pooja folks!

India is a Developing Nation

This is real India...An India, which is shining...which is growing...and emerging.

Indian politicians readily take things into hand and no politician from any country has the courage and audacity to take things into hand in the way Indian politicians do. We should be proud of such people and all the more, we should be proud of ourselves, because we made them our leaders.

Take my word, India has a great future, with leaders like these. Because just unlike the leaders in our history, these leaders do not go to jail. They can never be imprisoned...whatsoever. And we WILL vote for them. They will become future ministers and will rule this nation, much like the same way they were enforcing their rule in the video.

India will shine more...grow more... and rise to a level where no other country can reach.

Be proud about this country...and its people.

I am.

FYI: Dont be disappointed by the fact those leaders in the Video have been arrested. They were granted bail by our Great Judiciary, within minutes. My Great India!

"An eye for an eye, makes the whole world Blind" - M.K.Gandhi.

Is it wrong? or Is it right?
Does it make any difference at all, today?
The people of my country are already blind...

We have a new puppet in my house,
taking charge as the head of the house...
and this time, its a lady puppet...

i heard that the puppet is very notorious,
and despite knowing that fact,
the care-takers of my house did their best,
to make that puppet, the head of my house...

Anyways, what have i got to do with it...
my house has been heading for shambles since long...
thanks to so many puppets and care-takers...

i sit back to enjoy the evening, talking to my friend,
recounting the many dreams and visions of my room-mates.
My friend asked me to tell a story...
and thus i started telling one,
- " In olden days, there used to be something called Conscience......."

The music didn't stop.The collision of my thoughts, didnt stop either. And that was no music in my mind.

Prisoners yearn to talk with strangers.Probably, they long to..just talk, be it with anyone. Yet, they maintain some dignity in the way they present themselves. They are very particular about not getting to reveal the reason why they are there. If someone asks upfront, "Why are you here?", they just look straight into the eyes and smile. A condemning expression, which is just enough to express disapproval, could actually make one feel guilty for asking it. Because it peels the veneers...of a wound, with which a prisoner lives everyday there..probably all hs life, sometimes.

I purposefully refrained myself from asking such personal questions. Yet, my informal chats with some prisoners unexpectedly steered towards such questions, the answers to which left me almost in a stoic state, for the rest of the day.

My interaction with other prisoners threw up some startling facts on my face. I didnt know how to react when a prisoner told me that over 30% of the prisoners there were actually innocent, and landed there only because they could not prove their innocence. False-cases! A sizeable chunk of people there got convicted in domestic-crime cases, such as dowry cases and suicides. There are some people who got convicted because their spouses committed suicides. Suicides for no great valid reason (is any reason valid enough?) but out of sheer depression due to frivolous reasons. The flautist there, i came to know(as narrated by another prisoner), was convicted for the same reason. His wife committed suicide, out of frustration..that he yelled at her in anger.The case filed was "dowry harrassment". He couldn't prove his innocence and in an attempt to save his parents, he took the blame.

In these situations, one might argue if what we are told by the prisoners stands for truth or not. Even i encountered the same thought, when i was talking to them. "Is it really the truth?" . A clutter of thoughts.. But then, i just thought - "what would this man gain by passing a fictitious story as truth?" Sympathy?? what sympathy can i shower on a person whom i meet only once in my life to interact for only 15 minutes? and what does it fetch him in return, materialistically? would a convict really bother about his image on my mind, when he knows that i am just a visitor there, a real stranger, and can't make a frigging different to his life, in whatsoever state it is? would he camouflague the real story for his "15 minutes of sympathy?". I dont know.. he might. He might not too. But i just took the facts by face, only because...if i were in his place, i wouldnt really care about what a visitor would think about me. Because a visitor..is a mere visitor and cannot change the status-quo of my life, in any way. So, if i were in his place, i would probably remain silent or even if i wish to speak, i might speak the truth as well.

One more guy i spoke to, had similar experience. He is an engineer and his brother is a IIT-grad now working in London. He said that he couldnt pay more money(after selling the pawning the property he had) to the Judge, during the time of his trial (4 yrs ago), for which, he has been sentenced for 5 years.When i asked "even Judges?", he said that, right from moment FIR is filed, it is only money which moves. Any particular post where the flow of money stops, the man ends up in jail. "95% of the judges are corrupt", he said. Given the recent case where the witnesses were openly bribed(shown on TV using cameras, but still, the briber/accused go scott free..it happens only in India), in a high-profile case stuck in Supreme Court, i felt that his estimate wouldnt be entirely wrong, though i hoped it could be an exaggerated estimate. whatever! i felt like spitting on the Indian Judiciary, on which my faith had always been going down...to zilch.

I learnt that the typical 7 year imprisonment is actually not 7 years and that it would actually come down to 4.5 to 5 years, if the behaviour of the convict is good.But what if the convicted person is actually innocent? to think of it, how many innocent people! being in jail is what? is it loss of just liberty? or loss of life tooo, although it is not a death sentence? its 4-7 years? it is loss of everything. career, personal life, personal moments, relationships, dreams, possible futures, hopes. its loss of life. whats left? its 4-7 years of waiting. frustration. anger and all consummating into - "making of another criminal". i am sure, if i were falsely convicted for any reason, i would definitely become a criminal by the end of my sentenced period. and Who makes such criminals!! Our Law! Our Judiciary!

I dont know how prisons were before, but there are some fair things about the one i visited. Prisoners have the opportunity to keep themselves occupied during the day. There are two factories where some of them work. Then, there are courses such as polytechnic, electronics, arts etc. hich some prisoners take up. Everyday, meditation classes are conducted there, which a good number of prisoners attend. if the conduct of a prisoner is really good, he is even allowed to speak to his family almost daily if they visit him. Otherwise, typically, they are allowed some 30 minutes to 60 minutes on any day in a week. But i thought for a moment, "what would the waiting for that moment, be like?" and after waiting for a whole week, if a prisoner's family do not visit him, for some reason, what kind of thouughts hark in his mind? Restless ones? if so, of what magnitude?

By evening, we bid good-byes to the prisoners. Since we were running short of time, we could go around only through some corridors of the prison. I understood that prison is no different from a hostel or a dormitory, except for the fact that the basic rights of a person are stripped.
with a variety of mixed feelings, i got into the bus, to head back home. The events of the day rolled like a mini movie in my mind again and gave me many thoughts, at the end of the day, two of which are :

1. One of the most priceless yet valuable things in life, apart from life, is Liberty. The liberty to chose one's own moment(s) and to make many such choices which make up a living.

2. We need to have gratitude for whole a lot of things such as: our own luck, for being born where we are born. Then, for our upbringing and the education we had. A gratitude for the sense of rationality which was groomed in us, by people, environment, our own thoughts etc. and good deal of gratitude for our own choices till date. and not to forget, a deeper sense of gratitude for that unknown which didnt set up anything so worse for us, that would have landed us in there.

i came home at 6:00pm, with heavily loaded thoughts. As usual, i wanted to run away from them, because there was a feeling of those thoughts blasting and suffocating my mind. Unable to handle them all...i choose to take a nap.

And i slept. Again...

'Within yourself, deliverance must be searched for, because each man makes his own prison'

- Anonymous

"We are all prisoners but some of us are in cells with windows and some without."

- Kahlil Gibran

I thought it would be just another day, with little difference. The company i am working in, wanted to make some difference, atleast on one-day in a year. It mandated that all the employees would do some community service, a social work sort of thing on one day. Managers and Team leaders formed several threads which focussed on many activities such as planting trees, visiting orphanages, old-age homes, distributing clothes to street children etc. My thread was called "Happiness behind the bars", which required us to visit the central prison so that we can mingle with the jail-inmates and ignite some self-confidence in them. The idea was to conduct some activities so that they have fun too. Without even a faint idea about how the experience would be like, i went to Central Prision located at Cherlapally, Hyderabad.

The ticker of thoughts startoff the moment you enter into a prison. and that is true for everyone. I just saw how a prison actually is, and how different it is from what we imagine, thanks to the innumerable movies which project a Pseudo picture of prison.

All the jail-inmates assembled at an open place, which has a dias sort of thing. They were already waiting for us. As i walked ahead, to sit with them, a sudden gush of thoughts struck my mind. those thoughts were loud. quite loud. every face looked at me as i walked past. My gaze was slipping down, for some unknown reason. I dont know why i was feeling guilty to look into their eyes. Perhaps, the guilt was about me being there, which i am sure, must have provoked the still-thoughts of all the people there. It takes lot of courage to look at their face. I couldnt gather it all, the moment it started slipping down. i just needed some time. Probably every face looking at me was jealous about me. and it was me who provoked it, by being there. After few moments, i began looking at the people..just to know who they were and what initial-reactions would my brain synthesize, from the observations.

The look on each face there...it is inexplicable. I didnt really see the faces much. I only looked into their eyes and that was indeed the ice -breaking part of the whole thing. Every look, was no doubt similar to each other, but they had lot in them.probably i was reading too much into them... but my perception of their looks carried lot of baggage. Because there was hidden story behind every face. i just wondered the number of times, they would have recounted the same story, sitting there..with a hope that a day would arrive when they dont have to recount it again and just begin everything afresh.

A prison is one place where a highly educated and well-civilised person and a complete uncouth, both, share a joke, indulge in a conversation and even respect each other. This is a sight which i never got to saw before, not even in the best of temples, which are supposed to be the abodes of God, in front of whom, all are equal. What strange relationship binds two jail inmates? It is not just similar to that of two room-mates in a hostel. Because somewhere deep within oneself, every person, after emarking on a journey of introspection (and retrospection), gets tired talking to oneself and ends up talking out his mind to people around him.

When i went on distributing the refreshment packets to all the people there, some people dispelled every notion of mine, regarding a prison and a criminal, by responding in a very suave - "Thank You very much Sir..". And everytime a gentleman there responded that way, my mind was bombarded with "what might have happened!!". That afternoon, i felt some explosions in my mind...quite many times.

When the cultural events programme started, few prisoners there entertained their fellow friends with some folk and baul songs. When an announcement was made that a certain gentleman would be playing flute, i looked for him, in eager anticipation. Thought it would be another folk tune. To my surprise, that gentleman started playing something which i could very much identify. An Aalaap in Raag 'Keeravani'. the 2-min aalaap later dissolved into an enchanting performance of the song "Zara Zara" from Rehna Hai tere Dil mein ("Vaseegara in Tamil). He played the song, completely, along with interludes and all..to the perfection. The thunderous applause (even from my end), gave me a jolt. Later, the same gentleman played many other telugu songs, and every song was prefixed with a brief aalap of the raaga in which that song was composed. They included Raag "Mohana" ("Bhoopali in Hindustani") , Raag "Suddha Dhanyasi" and Raag "Sivaranjani". Among the songs played to perfection, the most notable was the breathless composition of the late 80s "Maate raani chinnadaani" from film "O paapa Laali" (song "Mannil Intha" from tamil film "Keladi Kanmani").

Obviously curious, i later got to talk to this flautist and mentioned to him the raagas he played. He told me that he got to learn indian classical music for 3 years but due to some unavoidable circumstances, couldnt pursue further since life led him to that place. after having a brief discussion on indian classical music with him, he gave me a small token of gift - a small book having some sacred chants. he was so down to earth and soft-spoken, which really made me more curious about the reason why he was there. i didnt ask him though. But what touched me the most was when he told me - " today's songs are all crap. i dont even listen to them, forget playing. if you ask my favourites, i can say - Only Ilaiyaraaja". i immediately gathered the words "I have a huge collection of ilaiyaraaja's music, i would like to give it to you...". i couldn't utter them.

(to be continued...)

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The journey home...Is never too long
Your heart arrives before the train
The journey home...Is never too long
Some yesterdays always remain
I'm going back to where my heart was light
When my pillow was a ship I sailed through the night

The journey home...Is never too long
When open arms are waiting there
The journey home...Is never too long
There's room to love and room to spare
I want to feel the way that I did then
I'll think my wishes through before I wish again

Not every road you come across...Is one you have to take
No, sometimes standing still can be...The best move you ever make

Aajaa Saawariyaa!! Aajaa Saawariyaa!!

The journey home...Is never too long
One helps to heal the deepest pain
The journey home...Is never too long
Your heart arrives before the train

Aajaa Saawariyaa!! Aajaa Saawariyaa!!
Aajaa Saawariyaa!!

composed by: A.R.Rahman; Lyrics: Don Black; Album: Bombay Dreams

Today, i couldn't recognize that a certain song sample i was listening to is set in Raag Kalyani. I couldnt identify Raag Kalyani. Shame!!!! Thuuu!

I think every Indian is aware of this daily soap on star-plus - Kyon ki saas bhi kabhi bahoo thi. well, every indian citizen is supposed to, as Phektha kapoor..sorry! Ektha Kapoor has made sure that it is in the DNA of every indian's domestic life. Afterall its a daily serial (killer)..watched my millions of sin-dians..i mean..indians.. Ever wondered when did this serial start? (C'mon...thats easy guys!, the difficult one is to wonder when would it end...).

It all started..long ago...7 years ago...7 years is big time...and when it started, it was sort of a strom on television...even today, it is...just watch one episode, you get to see camera movements in so many angles, the same expression on the same face (which you saw 7 years ago), but through so many cameras..each covering every possible angle, the most important being:

1. camera closing in from left to right.

2. then from right to left.
3. then from top to bottom.
4.and lastly from bottom to top.

Notice (because u cant ignore) the extraordinary usage of percussions for this scene..but wait..it isnt over yet. the above sequence is only for a single dialogue uttered by a certain actually-55-year-old-but-looks-30 aunty whose chiffon sarees are no less less glittering than the ones worn by Rani Mukherjee or related clan. now, apparently this female has a daughter-in-law who mouths a counter dialogue and then, the director and camera-man showcase one of their innovative ideas:

1. camera closes from right to left.
2. and now from left to right.
3. one from from bottom to top.
4. and then from top to bottom.

unfortunately, the background music composer cannot showcase the same creativity and he repeats the same percussions, assaulting our ears. well, this goes on for quite sometime with lot of drama, action, and what not!

The Devan Verma of Hrishikesh Mukherjee's Golmaal would have said: kya nahi hain is story mein...action..drama..comedy...sex..romance.violence...qawwali..cabret..main aaj hi ise Rishi Kapoor ko sunaaoonga..woh paagal hojaayega..He will go Maaad!!

arey Devan bhai..why that kapoor..our Ekta Kapoor is showing it on TV since 7 years..aur log paagal ho rahe hai..they are going mad!!!

One more aspect quite commendable about this serial is the height of creativity of the team involved..Imagine..they sit and make up the story for the night..just 2-3 days before it is aired.i mean..there is no script as such..but the team decides it then and there and build on the story so far shot..to make the next episode. you know what thats called.."Improvisation..in a new dimension".. whoa! and even if a scene is written..say a 3 page scene..they actually improvise it technically, with those all-angle-camera shots into 3 episodes..c'mon, which director/team can beat it tell me?

The biggest feat, which Ekta Kapoor managed is something unparalled by anyone...never before..and never again..just like the way Gabbar singh says "gabbar ke taak se sirf ek hi aadmi bachaa saktha hai..ek hi aadmi....KHUD GABBAR"...Ekta Kapoor's feat could be challenged and beat by..Ekta Kapoor herself..and that feat is: "Defying Nature"..defying science..C'mon, not everyday you come across a mother-in-law, whose daughter-in-law is a mother-in-law to someone who has a daughter-in-law, the son of which is about to marry a female....just count the generations...6!! hey wait..! how come its just 6...going by the number of years..its been 7 years since the serial has started..so, if logic serves right, there should be 7 generations..i think i missed one more character somewhere in the loop..sorry Ekta..Galthi hogayee!!

So, every generation lives on..beating nature..science..and most importantly..Logic! This is Ekta's Biggest Feat.

and consequently, there is a corollary-feat there. With this feat, Ekta Kapoor managed to Insult the Intelligence of millions of people. and c'mon guys..there is no disputing the fact. She did. thats all. How can you explain someone assaulting the entire nation, for 7 years...5 days a week!! that too, without letting them feel a pinch of it!!

For your relentless commitment to challenge the Cognitive faculties of viewers! Ekta..Take a bow!

Now, you guys must be wondering whats the crux of this post...c'mon,.have you ever wondered whats the crux of that serial..so, stop figuring that out. But to think of it, i have idenitified the crux of this serial. Its Slaughter-in-raw...sorry..its Daughter-in-law!

The thing is...Apparently, the most famous character of this serial "Tulsi" would be dying tonight. SHOCKED!!! now c'mon..dont get shocked here! u should get shocked while watching it, if you dare to..or else, all those camera rushes and percussions would go waste.

But the twist in the tale is..Tulsi would not actually die (did i disappoint anyone here). The actress (she defnly is..) who potrayed (yes, i take the responsibility of using this word here) the role of Tulsi is making an exit tonight..and the character would be given to some other actress sometime soon.

and i know whats coming next: How do I know this? well..thats the crux of this post!
Thanks to NDTV and its highly responsible journalism, this news was aired as headlines/coverstory all this evening-through night. infact, its just not a news-bit, they went on to do complete cover-story, public-opinion, blah blah blah...for the entire evening-night.They surely have learnt a thing or two from Phektha Kapoor..sorry again..Ektha Kapoor...i can call it "Journalism..touching a new dimension".

For your foray into Yellow Journalism! NDTV! Take a bow!

So, dont worry, if you are a masochist, then you can still continue watching the serial...you wont be disappointed... the lady whom you saw getting married in the last episode will become a mother-in-law to someone whose daughter-in-law will welcome her own daughter-in-law into the family despite the latter(the latter-most infact) being pregnant and all the preceeding daughter-in-laws/mother-in-laws will bless the child who will grow up to bring another daughter-in-law, whose................. and it continues..

The show will go on...People will watch on...They are used to it, right! Now, even mediocre is sky for them, just like for Ekta..and she is trying her best to reach that sky, with ample support from her loyal audience.

for your ultra-ordinary patience! My fellow country-women!!! take a bow!

and for all the men who watch it... i think they deserve the highest applause, if any.

Please continue watching it my dear viewers...and watch this space, after 7 generations...for someone from the 7th generation in my family, would extol Ekta Kapoor, her time/age-defying characters, the same serial and you all too..again...in this blog... (its my/our humble attempt to match with the longevity of Ekta and her world of Kinky Saas Bhi Kabhie Bahu Thii)

and mind you..all the females, be it mother-in-law or(and) daughter-in-law(the women don both the roles!!)...will continue to look like bimbettes with chiffon sarees (la Sushmita Sen)..as usual.Isn't it Kinky??

She played with her friends for quite some time.
when her mother came to pick her up, at her school,
it was time to say Good-Bye.

When her mother was driving,
the 7-year old girl complained that she was feeling hungry.
Her mother assured that she would pick something,
for her...

Suddenly, everyone on the road came running.
The mother turned back...
The girl fell down, under the bus.

On the hospital bed, with blood-stained body shivering,
vomitting blood all over, the little girl could still talk...
with folded hands, she pleaded the doctors,
"please save me...i want to live...Please..."
the doctors tried their best,
and came out of the room, with moist eyes...

It was Life's turn...to say Good-bye..to her.
She was just 7.
didnt see much world...didnt see much life...
but wanted to live...desperately.
Yet, she died.

Whose mistake was it?

I hate God!

A fortnight ago, during mid-night,
when rain came with its pattering feet,
someone knocked my door...
When i opened the door,
i found the Moon standing there...
completely drenched...
"Can i stay here for tonight", she asked.
"Sure", i answered with a smile,
the beam of which was lost in the shine,
which She brought into my room...
"Here! dry yourself first and have some coffee", i offered.
"Thanks", the moon said, grabbing the towel,
and wiping her full bloomed face,
which was tantalizingly trancing...
even with the dark blotches...
Sitting in the room next to each other,
and sipping hot coffee, and on some music...
we exchanged few pleasantries...

Didnt notice how time flew by and when,
but sleep didnt flit in my eyes even for a moment...
as we kept on talking, All night long...
about each other, about our worlds,
the worlds in which we live,
and the worlds which live in our imaginations...
knowing each other, like old friends who meet after many years...
knowing that we perhaps have known each other before..
Me & My Esteemed Guest.

At some time during the wee hours,
the rain took leave of the night,
and so did its music, giving way for solemn silence...
and we heard the door knock again...
i opened the door...to see the Sun standing there..
The Sun walked in and said to the Moon,
"Vacate this room! It is my turn now".
Thanking me for the hospitality, the moon took my leave,
promising me that she would visit again, soon...

Since then, the sun has been a daily visitor,
and so has been the night, with its robe of darkness..
but not the rain and the moon...
who have been eluding with their music...
forgetting the promises made...

Every night, like a Shy Bride ,
the moon plays only hide & seek,
behind the veils of clouds and darkness,
but never blossoms in full, in the garden of sky...
The dark blotches on my glowing-towel,
the beaming cup which the moon kissed..
my lonesome room where the silence is still dangling...
all await for the beautiful moon...just like me...
and I dont know when she would keep up her promise.

Perhaps another fortnight...

OK. The Indians faced disappointment in the World Cup. Well, i had no expectations, so i dont claim to be one among those disappointed lot. I think we people have made a lot about this cricket fever. Everyday, the news headlines is about Cricket controversies and related stuff, while more socially relevant news items such as the death of a certain army officer is hardly covered. Infact, the cricket battles are so uninteresting that the moment i come across the ongoing disagreements between coaches and players and all that crap, i simply ignore it all. But i was bigtime surprised when Narayana Murthy, the Infosys idol, for whom i have lot of respect, voiced out his opinions on the cricket issue. The article which appeared in Times of India, is a kind of bitter-pill which the Indian team needs to swallow, in order to diagnose itself. Although his thoughts are pointed at the Indian cricket team, the thoughts are powerful enough to be applied anywhere, be it indian society or government machinery or a company or just any entity. Apart from carrying the undertones of inspiration, i felt that his thoughts have a fine blend of honesty, ruthlessness and simplicity. If only, these simple thoughts are put to action by people, India would have really been shining?

Did it ever happen in Indian political arena that all the political parties reached a consensus? Yes, it happened once. When a certain bill was proposed in the parliament, requiring all the MPs to declare their assets and income, all the political parties opposed it. well! that was not surprising. Afterall, they are Bastards.

After years, it happened again today.

The Supreme Court of India put on hold, the 27% quota for OBCs in all government aided higher educational institutions, proposed by our great central government. The court said - "Nowhere else in the world do castes classes or communities queue up for the sake of gaining backward status. Nowhere else in the world is there competition to assert backwardness and then to claim that we are more backward than you". Well! in my opinion, that statement was a slap on the face of Indian Soceity. Though the issue has not been resolved yet, the stay order from Supreme Court, gives a ray of hope to people who are fighting for the cause. But they have bigger enemies. The same bastardical clan of Indian politicians. All the political parties are united to express their disappointment and disapproval of the Court's order.

At times, i really dont understand people in India. they elect a person and forget about him. Why dont we indians have the juices in our balls to drag these politicians out of their offices/parliament and flog them on the streets, when we know that what they are doing is not right? Why do militants and terrorists create havoc in public places only, killing innocent people? Why didnt India witness a great revolution(i dont consider Independence struggle as a great revolution)? Or a civil war, ousting these bastards whose interests were diammetrically opposite to that of the people of this country? Why are we tolerating all these bastards who are not only unscrupulous, but are utterly shameless, conscienceless and openly/brazenly dishonest?

Why?

if not violence, why not a Satyagraha atleast? When will we realize that behind all this 8% GDP growth, thousands of lives are in shambles solely because of these politicians? When will all the people come together, in consensus, to revolt against these Bastards?

Of the many genres of music i listen to, everyday, i relate myself the most to Indian Music. Ofcourse, i might again include few other non-Indian genres too, which have invariably crept into indian music, thanks to great blending ideas of great composers here. But the beauty of Indian music is that, the tunes evoke certain feelings. and composers use their mastery by trapping varied emotions in a single raaga. the notes are same, for the raaga. only the presentation varies...and then, the perception of the listener changes. The mood and the feeling eneveloped in the tune changes completely. When i say 'feeling', how can one identify it with a tune? 'Pain' is one of the many emotions one experiences and how can one transform it into music (without words). For a moment, if we keep aside the genius of a composer, who can evoke such a feeling through a composition, the question i would like to focus on is - "how can someone perceive pain, by listening to a tune?". How is it that a certain slant/piece in "Subha Panthuvaraali" raaga, for example, conveys pain and the same raaga also conveys exuberance! Though the composer does his part, by covering both hues in the same raaga, the listener can distinguish and experience both feelings, even though he is not musically literate. How?

Year 2005

I joined Masters in Finance course, only because i didnt know where to go. i planned something else but i landed up somewhere else. Do we really make conscious choices and stick by them or do we make choices and stick by the stand-by options life gives us. i dont know. When i entered Masters in Finance, i didnt really know what i was getting into. Yes, i did have an idea about what all is being dealt in this course and things like that. But as the journey went on, the internal conflicts doubled. Everyday, i asked myself - " Why am i doing this?". Like many other questions, this one haunted me a lot. and like every answer to all those questions, the answer to this one too had only a blank face. it was a choice i made. i lived with it, despite so many compromises and misgivings.

Year 2007 (take it as Today)

I finished the Master's course. If i am to judge my performance or knowledge on a 10 point scale, i would not give more than 4 to myself. i wont say i was too careless. but i didnt give my best too. i just did what i felt like, at any instant of time. and today, i have relieved myself from all the obligations today.Well, not all, but atleast the academic ones. i dont know if i would really take up any text-book or not in future, but for some days atleast.......

I am a liberated man

Btw, Now that i have (err! successfully)completed my Masters in Finance, i welcome all the people seeking investment ideas to consult me, if interested in something called - 'charity'.

Last night i went out
in darkness...
the remains of the evening rain,
still infusing with fragrant breath of flowers...
while few flowers in the garden of sky,
still twinkling.. to the silent sonatas of the midnight...

I thought i would find my Self,
somewhere...
i lost it long ago,
somewhere...
when i got into a train,
chasing life...
i guess it fell down,
somewhere near the rail-tracks.

Last night, i went back,
i thought i would find my self,
But the harder i searched,
the more i lost myself,
in the cacophony of the midnight agonies...
The loud cries of Hunger,
silent wails of suffocated relationships,
stories of blood, rape and dejection,
from the rooms of caste and religion...
all of them,
traced and retraced their sour notes,
into the loud sonance of the still silence...

i didn't find my Self near the rail-tracks.
It should have been lying there..,
but it was there.
Where is it?
- "Did that train run over my Self"?

Epilogue:

Tired, i walked back...
and my own footsteps became very weary,
burdened with the pangs of guilt.
i reached my room,
inhabited by the homely silence,
when i realized,
my Self was lying there,
waiting for me...
it spoke to me in the language i just heard,
the language of the midnight...

My Self reminded me - i am no lesser criminal,
whenever i board a train,
turning a blind eye & deaf ear,
to the never ending dins of the midnight...
My Self divorced me that night
That moment was no longer tied to a stillness,
neither there were sonatas in the sky...

my own breath killed the fragrance of the night
the breath - which is yet to seek its meaning.

New year resolutions have a speciality, a unique significance. They die before they see february. To get back to blogging, i really needed a strong drive and i got that by resolving not to update this blog.
Everyone was wondering what happened to me. This blog has been lying idle since god knows when? No, it was not writer's block. Its sheer laziness and moody nature of mine. But now, atleast theoretically, things seem to be stabilizing.
Its been 24 hrs since i took up the 1st full-time job of my life, that of a associate analyst. 1 day through the work, i received reminders that i am not cut out for a typical 10-7 job like this.Also, with a schedule and work like that, i am sure the Real-Self inside me would meet its end sometime soon. I probably need to atleast attempt to give it more life, which is why i broke my new year resolution, much to my own pleasure.


All these days, i have been waiting for a job..and now when i have one..i can feel a sense of waiting for something else?
Someone has rightly written this fantastic dialogue in a fantastic film: "Yeh Zindagi bhi ek Waiting Room hain"...

Another year has withered away....



And here is my New Year resolution:

From now onwards, I wouldnt be updating this blog frequently...