And Then

Thoughts Began To Fly

Society

Published by Aakarsh under on Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Oh it's a mystery to me.
We have a greed, with which we have agreed...
and you think you have to want more than you need...
until you have it all, you won't be free.

Society! you're a crazy breed.
I hope you're not lonely, without me.

When you want more than you have, you think you need...
and when you think more than you want, your thoughts begin to bleed.
I think I need to find a bigger place...
cause when you have more than you think, you need more space.

Society! you're a crazy breed.
I hope you're not lonely, without me.
Society, crazy indeed...
I hope you're not lonely, without me.

There's those thinking more or less, less is more,
but if less is more, how are you keeping score?
It means for every point you make, your level drops.
Kinda like you're starting from the top...
and you can't do that.

Society! you're a crazy breed.
I hope you're not lonely, without me.
Society! crazy indeed...
I hope you're not lonely, without me
Society! have mercy on me.
I hope you're not angry, if I disagree.
Society! crazy indeed.
I hope you're not lonely...
without me.

written by Jerry Hannan. Performed by Eddie Vedder. From the OST of 'Into the Wild'

Sick'ed

Published by Aakarsh under on Monday, November 09, 2009

The temperature on the thermometer reads 102. And it is 3rd day already. Thats enough for my parents to confine me to bed, bread and coconut water. The last time i had a high temperature was in 2006. The temperate was 105 and I had an exam the next day morning and I also had a marriage to attend.

Till i was 26, I never had fever attacks frequently. I might have gone through Typhoid and Jaundice, but in all, fever might have struck me hardly 6 times. But ever since I started working, fever seems to be striking atleast once in a year. Apart from that, other health hazards keep popping up, thanks to my immobile job. I remember once my middle-finger (no pun intended), developed such a swelling and pain, that i did not understand what happened. It happened overnight. Then, my infamous leg fracture, which kept me on bed for 2 months. That was an year ago.

In all, if i look back, I think health issues are on rise and I need to do something about it. An exercise is a must for sure and I need to diligently practise morning walk or jog, once i am back in proper shape. I need to change my food habits too. Its high time i have proper breakfast in the morning. I have been skipping it. And yes, i need to have more fruits.

One decision I am glad about is that I have kicked hard liquor. And it is not a conscious decision but something that just came out of distaste during a moment. Last week I had vodka and strangely, I could not have it comfortably. I had to throw it. There was a time when i used to have only vodka and now, there came a day when i felt "enough is enough". I dont think i will have vodka again. And i feel good about it. Like they say, there is a moment for everything.

There is a reason behind this post. I want it to serve as a note, written by me, that reminds me that I need to get little conscious about my health and eating habits. The thought is running in my mind and i dont want to keep it there. I am afraid i might ignore the thought, but if it atleast stares at me, from my blog, I can get little more conscious about my care or negligence, as the case may be. I think this post is a good barometer, for the days to come. Let me see how i fare.

For now, its time to get back to my tablets, bread, coconut water and a nice book to read. A book is such a wonderful companion, especially when you are tied to bed with sickness. I dont know if sickness is a boon or a bane, but I am having time for myself.

 

Truncated Thoughts

Published by Aakarsh under on Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Life happens only once.And it is up to us to make the most out of it, by what we do, what we want to do and the people we choose to share moments with . Just one life! And still, it is strange that people have hundred reasons to  enjoy chasms and negativities instead of enjoying life by instilling more positivities, togetherness, good friendships, good dreams and a feel-good inclusive attitude. Why do people always look for a reason to break, instead of making something? Be it a relationship or society or life or whatever. There is always a disintegration instead of consolidating and making the existing things stronger. People are not happy with relationships, they break. Families are not happy with the generation gaps and they break. The less I talk about society, the better, for it has always been disintegrating. Why cant people live life normally, in a simple and healthy way, drawing all the good things of their life (be it goals, or people or whatever) into their orbits and by having fun with them? Do we have multiple chances to live life? no... Just one and yet, people make such idiotic choices to please some idiosyncratic moment or idiosyncratic facet of their personality, calling it "the best thing for the moment". A moment doesnt make a lifetime right.

Life as such has its own way of getting back at us. Disappointments are always there, that arise out of chances or situations or from certain sequences of events which are outside our control. Then why cant people manage things that are atleast in their control? Why do people want disappointments apart from the ones that life throws at us? Every person has his own path of life, which will come to an end one day. Then what exactly are people chasing? A good quality of life. It can be in any form, but what ultimately matters is a good quality of life, characterised by happiness, wise choices, intellectual enrichment, fun, affections, people, ability to whatever we want to do and ofcourse the contentment. Are all these threads too difficult to keep? Do we have to compromise on something to get another? or Do we have to ruin one element to win another? Even 2 sworn enemies will smile at each other, may be, when they are at the gateway of death. Then what would make people foment so much negativity in their lives, when they have just 1 lifetime to lead? Why cant people just be, with all the good things that matter to them? Afterall it is just One Life and people are still caught up with the micro-level negative aspects instead of weaving beauty by dwelling more on macro-level aspects of living.


Either I am wrong in expecting all this? Or I need another land/planet to dwell with my idealism, if people call it so.


Living is a customisable art, that no 'art of living' course can teach. But why is that not many want to be an artist in that! And I am disappointed with that.

The Visit

Published by Aakarsh under on Wednesday, August 26, 2009

As the sun sets starts a new life,
Inexpressive and exhausting…
In my dim eyes, then, you can read,
Few unwritten verses …
rain-kissed songs of soul...
The beats of the heart,
Now steady…now missing…
In my utterances you can hear,
Those silences which were...
orphaned by words...
but embraced by music...
But once the sky wears the midnight,
and as I close my eyes, for a dream,
I see you writing my verses,
And I hear you singing my song,
A wind-swept song which fades into silence,
As I wake up…

Epoch

Published by Aakarsh under on Tuesday, August 18, 2009

It is the strangest thing,
I speak to you and my words ring out.
All around they resound.
In nearby streets, far off groves,
In fields and woods beyond the rivers,
In your room and in my home.
And it is good that they should.
These smiles, sighs…gasps and cries,
Have learnt to travel beyond, in skies,
And I feel this mighty echo,
Is just a sign of present epoch…

What Is Love Like?

Published by Aakarsh under on Sunday, June 28, 2009

“What is love like, mother?”,
Asked the little girl.
“Is it like the sight of a butterfly,
Dancing with spright on a blooming daffodil,
Sucking the light of the dawn?
Or like solemn silence,
Singing with the meadow winds?
Is it like the music we hear on a sea-shore?
Or like the songs that fill a night lit by the moonshine?"

"Is it like a rainbow piercing a silhouette,
after it rained in sunlight?
Or like the perfume of the parched earth,
drenched in a summer rain?
Or is it like a dewdrop hanging,
On a lush green leaf?"

“what is love like mother?”,
asked the girl again.
“Is it like a melodious lullabye putting us to sleep?
Or like the sleep that peeps,
Through the eye-lids of a baby?

Why are you mute mother?”, she asked.
Mother wore a smile and said,
“I was thinking of you dear,
it is exactly like You”.

Published by Aakarsh under on Sunday, June 14, 2009

Can two like-minded people, who have strong sense of individualities turn away from each other, just to let their individualism stay intact, instead of their like-mindedness?

If yes, for what? who gained what? who lost what?

We & Us

Published by Aakarsh under on Thursday, April 30, 2009

This fragile piece of glass between us,
through which we keep looking at each other...
let it lie... as it is...
do not touch it... do not break it...
for it is our only hope,
to know each other...
looking at each other...

So what if it is a mirror!
we can still live with our contradictions,
looking at each other...

In the wink of Eternity...

Published by Aakarsh under on Friday, April 17, 2009

And my eyelids parted ways...
for the echo of the wink,
that resonated through Space
and reached eternity....
For when you are gone...
gone are the reasons to wink....
and to relive moments of euphoria.
With every wink now,
come more reasons to never open these eyes....
but my eyelids, they part ways, still
hoping you'll hear the echos of the silence
resonating in your heart...
I await those eyes, for in them lie
My reasons to live again...
My reasons to reach eternity....

Author: Anonymous

Ecstasy <=> Reethigowla

Published by Aakarsh under on Wednesday, April 15, 2009

When Ecstasy builds up,

it is like raga Reethigowla bubbling.

And feet dont tend to feel the ground.

 

A Soul'o

Published by Aakarsh under on Thursday, April 09, 2009

It came looking for just a single note probably...
But when it found many, it didn't leave and stayed on.
My soul might have mistaken my body for a flute,
and began playing the song of life ever since...

Of Slumdog Millionaires, Mountains & Molehills...

Published by Aakarsh under on Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Everyone has an opinion on the film 'Slumdog Millionaire'. The movie has been the muse and theme of every journalist, film-maker, blogger, artist, politician and jobless people too. I never had any opinion on the film, when i watched it 4 months ago. Yet, i seem to be having one now, and my opinion is much more an opinion on the opinions of people rather than on the film itself.

I first heard of Slumdog Millionaire probably in July 2008, when i read somewhere that lyricist Gulzar has written one song for a Hollywood film. Later, I read/heard a lot about this film sweeping many awards in various film-festivals. Infact, the first prediction about composer A.R.Rahman winning an Oscar for this film came from writer-director Anurag Kashyap, on his blog and i got curious only after reading that post. I got the soundtrack eventually and was surprised at the euphoria that has caught up for that music; the music was not ARR's best and i didn’t understand why it was clicking. Few days after that, I watched the film and i understood that the way music has been treated in the film was different. Instead of pure orchestral or techno scores laid in the background, here is a film which 'sells' music on the face, in certain sequences. It was different and the difference turned into a shock-value that got all the attention and it just caught along.

Coming to the film, i neither liked it nor disliked it. It was just a watch for me. Nothing more, nothing less. Technically, it was brilliantly shot and the director did handle the kids and their performances well. And the theme of the film, 'Keep the Hope Alive', was well-intended, although they did not effectively translate such a noble theme into heart-wrenching emotional content. That it is hyped up is no surprise. Yet, it was just a time-pass watch. That's about it. And i moved on.

What really amused me was the sharp criticism that came thundering down, for no reason. A section of people had a problem with the film, for no reason. The reasons they cited, in the newspapers and website, seemed so frivolous that I couldn't help laughing everytime I read such opinions.

Reason#1: Mis-representation of India.
My take: Every year, more than a dozen mainstream films have the same theme of 'promiscuity', irrespective of the premise of the film (be it sexed up thrillers from mahesh bhatt camp or movies on corporate business houses or on film industry or page-3 media on fashion industry or on people living in metros etc etc.) and nature of the characters. Are they not showing Indian people in poor light in such films, as sex-starved licentious morons unhappy with their current relationships? How come we applaud such films then? And i don't quite get one basic logic. If SDM being shot in India, makes it complete India, then can we consider all those NRI-catering Hindi films to be Hollywood/British Films? That reminds me, i recently watched a film called "Outsourced", in which an American manager in a firm visits the Indian call-centre office and trains the team there. He eventually falls in love the team-lead, an Indian lady from a conservative household. In one of the scenes, they get to spend a night in a hotel room and they indulge in the cardinal mischief. In the morning, when she wakes up, she tells him that nobody should know about it and later tells him that she is already engaged to someone else. Now this got me thinking - How come people did not raise a cry on this? How did they allow the director to show an Indian woman as an unscrupulous bitch? Is it not misrepresentation of Indian woman? or of Call Centre Employees?

Reason#2: Willful portrayal of India as 3rd world country by insulting Indians
My Take: Oh! Boy! This is imagination. Who wrote the book firstly? An Indian. coming to portrayal, what exactly did the film-maker portray? Slums? Well, a 1000 Hindi films portrayed slums before this film. probably 75% of Hindi films in 1980-90 era were based in slums, with protagonist (Anil Kapoor, Sanjay Dutt, Govinda etc) jumping into a bathroom where a nymphet is bathing. How come no one raised a cry then? Did everyone feel proud about that? how come we never bothered about all those slumdogs before? oh! they never swept any awards. So, valid enough. since this film is hogging the attention, we ought to be sure that we are shown decently there, even if we are not.

Reason#3: Exporting Poverty-porn, exploitation of poverty, blah blah..
My Take: Would people label it the same, if the film-maker was an Indian? Decades ago, there were 2 genius film-makers in India, by names Satyajit Ray and Rithwik Ghatak. They made films, socially relevant to the period, with great portrayals. I am sure, if they were alive and if they made same films now, in this era, they too would have faced the same flak - poverty-porn. How is it that we consider them legends today, when their films sold poverty in many film festivals? Why them? What about Sudhir Mishra's film 'Dharavi'? Why is it considered to be among the good art-house films? Why didn’t we banish that film because it depicted slums? So, it is alright if an Indian film-maker shows poverty or slums? But it is not alright if a Hollywood filmmaker does it. It is alright if we and our people see us naked. But it is not for outsiders? (to think of it, i felt that the movie neither had poverty nor slums, they just appeared in the film, in few shots. Probably a Swades or Mother India had much more duration of poverty than SDM, but as i said, our nakedness should be the muse to entertain only us, but not foreigners). Firstly, it is not an export, since neither the director nor the producer was Indian. secondly, if the same people criticizing the film can export something better (which i welcome), why don't they do it? In the last 1 decade, what have we exported predominantly in films, other than Weddings, Raj/Rahul/Sameer and Bhangra?

And finally, nobody talks about eradicating poverty, but only about it being shown, if at all it really was. And does the origin of film-maker really matter? Infact, i believe that if this film was called as Q&A, instead of the now infamous - slumdog, people would have perceived it differently. It is all in the mind and perception.

Ultimately, it was just a film. A film, whose success was an accident. Neither the film-maker, not the crew aimed at any award and it is evident from the style of film-making itself. The movie looked more like a adventurous daily soap rather than an emotional story (emotional enough to grip the awards committee). ARR never made the music for a certain golden globe or an oscar. If he aimed at them, the score would have been different. He made some music on his Apple computer, for 15 days and used it in the film. Strange that it worked. Instead of being happy that it worked, we have a section of people who complain about the unworthiness of the score. Well, if India wins a match because of a Tendulkar's mediocre innings, do we celebrate the moment of victory? or do we lament about Tendulkar not playing up to his level or not playing the Bradman shots? The most brilliant comment came from an obscure composer called 'Aadesh Shrivastava', who said that the film upset him very much and that he would never compose music for such films, even if Steven Spielberg approaches him. Bravo! I liked his Hope (thats what the film was all about, in case he missed the point, evidently). Just that it blends into insanity.

And I forgot, in India, there must be a religious angle to just everything. I read recently that ARR's "I choose Love over Hate and I am here" statement at the Oscars, has far reaching inner meanings than the humble/noble thought it carries. A certain screwed up character, a journalist infact, wrote in his webpage/blog that ARR's statement actually points to his choice of Islam over Hinduism and the writer blasted ARR for equating Hinduism to Hate. After reading it, I really wondered - ' The no. of Morons in India, is rising, significantly for sure'.

Offlate, my social observations putforth many a question before me. Why is it that these days people have low thresholds of tolerance or level-headed thinking? people find faults so easily, with little issues or frivolous things? How come people are getting offended so easily? A SDM irks filmmakers or common people. a movie title irks barbers. showing a villain character's caste irks that caste people. showing someone smoke on screen irks a certain minister. a valentine's day or pubbing irks a political group. and the less I talk about religious intolerance, the better. And regional? sectoral? linguistic? But i am trying to understand the root cause of this low-theshold for social anger, which seems to be unleashing very quickly from people, be it any issue. Is it frustration? About what? It was not this way, even 5-6 years ago. Ofcourse, people have become very busy now with hardly any time left for themselves. In the little time available, they put their time, energy, emotions and reactions at the mercy of media, which is busy making its own gains, like everyone. By looming so many negative thoughts, at the slightest of the trigger, people are increasingly proving that 'level-headed thinking' and 'rationality' are being replaced by their mad chase for their own needs, wants and securities, in any form they desire. In this run, towards success and identity, unfortunately, in the aspects such as human understanding and tolerance, the quality of mindsets is sinking into a shitpot, much like a scene from the film. People might become Millionaires for sure, atleast in the quality and pursuit of their dreams, but at the cost of becoming slumdogs too, in their mind - brash, short-tempered and frustrated, much like all those who found faults with just a normal film.

Summer of 99

Published by Aakarsh under on Sunday, March 08, 2009

Escaping the melting heat and dust,
we walked into a shade, talking.
That summer afternoon, when we met up,
and we spent time together,
aimlessly and endlessly,
talking about you and talking about me.
You wrote a verse about the shade of that tree,
which, you said, was like singing a lullaby,
I asked you to sing it out.
It was quite a moment.
your verse - like a lullaby,
and me sitting beside you, holding your hand.
You hummed a nectarly tune and i felt i should never let you go.
I looked at the dust around the shade of the tree,
dust raising up in that smouldering heat,
slowly i saw your image filling in it,
and , the dust at once turning into Gold.
Was it your song? or my own foolishness?
though knowing that it was an illusion,
i moved towards the dust,
leaving the Gold behind...

Guide'd

Published by Aakarsh under on Monday, February 09, 2009

Like everyone, i too have a forest,
of my own, in my mind, where i take a walk,
every day and every night,
In my forest, there is a path.
Be it morning, afternoon or night,
Someone looks at me closely,
Through the woods.
Someone always watches me,
With a stare that is piercing,
piercing into the fabric of my soul.
A voice says, ”You haven’t changed much,
"Are you sure you want to keep going this way?”,
With an apologetic smile.
I look up to face those watchful eyes.
And I see high above me,
Treetops, clouds, azure skies..
Changing colours all along,
The Winter, Summer and Autumn..
I recall my life from the beginning,
And I pause my heart to search...
answers to those questions which never found voice,
or those which found voices...muted,
those which had come and stayed but not gone
What have I accomplished? Nothing really.
What have I created? Nothing much.
Always I am struggling on, As best as I can.
Is my best Enough, when all is said and done?
I am always hoping that there is a lot of time,
Will I not be sorry when I find that there is none?
Won’t it be too late for me to realize,
That I had more things still, to fight with?

Someone is still watching me sternly, with gentle eyes,
From those unassailable quiet heights...
in my forest, across all those turns in that path,
Journeying along which, I say, to myself,
“I will try once again,
I will get over everything, I swear,
All those petty hurts, disappointments, lies and hate..”
And I hear the voice in answer,
“I believe you. Try and don’t succumb.
A stainless light will always lead you to your vision”.
All my life, along that path I  go,
To accomplish, to create-following a light,
That bids me - 'Come'.

Violent Dreams

Published by Aakarsh under on Friday, January 30, 2009

In the midnight I suddenly realized that it all turned red,
those white flower patterns are gone and my pillow is soaked in blood
I warned you, but you didn't listen to me,
and you went on talking to me for long in the night,
about religion and how man has used it so far.
I told you that some realities turn into dreams?
but why is this the other way round?
Lets not talk about this next time.
Let me Sleep in peace.

EA Eruptions

Published by Aakarsh under on Thursday, January 29, 2009

Is it really possible to look at/observe/evaluate yourself objectivistically, from a neutral perspective, without being yourself?

 

Lipsum