Me and my estranged Self
Published by Aakarsh under Verses on Thursday, January 25, 2007
Last night i went out
in darkness...
the remains of the evening rain,
still infusing with fragrant breath of flowers...
while few flowers in the garden of sky,
still twinkling.. to the silent sonatas of the midnight...
I thought i would find my Self,
somewhere...
i lost it long ago,
somewhere...
when i got into a train,
chasing life...
i guess it fell down,
somewhere near the rail-tracks.
Last night, i went back,
i thought i would find my self,
But the harder i searched,
the more i lost myself,
in the cacophony of the midnight agonies...
The loud cries of Hunger,
silent wails of suffocated relationships,
stories of blood, rape and dejection,
from the rooms of caste and religion...
all of them,
traced and retraced their sour notes,
into the loud sonance of the still silence...
i didn't find my Self near the rail-tracks.
It should have been lying there..,
but it was there.
Where is it?
- "Did that train run over my Self"?
Epilogue:
Tired, i walked back...
and my own footsteps became very weary,
burdened with the pangs of guilt.
i reached my room,
inhabited by the homely silence,
when i realized,
my Self was lying there,
waiting for me...
it spoke to me in the language i just heard,
the language of the midnight...
My Self reminded me - i am no lesser criminal,
whenever i board a train,
turning a blind eye & deaf ear,
to the never ending dins of the midnight...
My Self divorced me that night
That moment was no longer tied to a stillness,
neither there were sonatas in the sky...
my own breath killed the fragrance of the night
the breath - which is yet to seek its meaning.
in darkness...
the remains of the evening rain,
still infusing with fragrant breath of flowers...
while few flowers in the garden of sky,
still twinkling.. to the silent sonatas of the midnight...
I thought i would find my Self,
somewhere...
i lost it long ago,
somewhere...
when i got into a train,
chasing life...
i guess it fell down,
somewhere near the rail-tracks.
Last night, i went back,
i thought i would find my self,
But the harder i searched,
the more i lost myself,
in the cacophony of the midnight agonies...
The loud cries of Hunger,
silent wails of suffocated relationships,
stories of blood, rape and dejection,
from the rooms of caste and religion...
all of them,
traced and retraced their sour notes,
into the loud sonance of the still silence...
i didn't find my Self near the rail-tracks.
It should have been lying there..,
but it was there.
Where is it?
- "Did that train run over my Self"?
Epilogue:
Tired, i walked back...
and my own footsteps became very weary,
burdened with the pangs of guilt.
i reached my room,
inhabited by the homely silence,
when i realized,
my Self was lying there,
waiting for me...
it spoke to me in the language i just heard,
the language of the midnight...
My Self reminded me - i am no lesser criminal,
whenever i board a train,
turning a blind eye & deaf ear,
to the never ending dins of the midnight...
My Self divorced me that night
That moment was no longer tied to a stillness,
neither there were sonatas in the sky...
my own breath killed the fragrance of the night
the breath - which is yet to seek its meaning.
5 comments:
If the self were lost by the tracks... may be there is a flower blooming at the very site of death... if the self you meet in your room has deserted you.. through these words it should have considered coming back... you are a lucky man to be able to convey your agony with such simplicity...
Criminal are you, but arnet we all committing passion crimes? Well glad that you found the self somewhere. But you can still wash it clean with introspection. Crimes as we know are abundant..but the cognizance of it isnt. Well sometimes in life its nice to be in "ignorance is bliss" mode.
glad to see you writing ...and as always I notice that the way your verses sound....its music in varying pitches and degrees. Maybe Rajiv Menon took a note of your flair and implemented that in GURU.
why do I get this feeling that your self is looking for you as hard as you are looking for it? The self is blind...I feel....and though it's not always with you, it was probably following you...to see how hard you look for it....I dont think it ever deserted you....
And being "blind" is not contradictory to the fact that it was looking for you....
Post a Comment