Last night i went out
in darkness...
the remains of the evening rain,
still infusing with fragrant breath of flowers...
while few flowers in the garden of sky,
still twinkling.. to the silent sonatas of the midnight...

I thought i would find my Self,
somewhere...
i lost it long ago,
somewhere...
when i got into a train,
chasing life...
i guess it fell down,
somewhere near the rail-tracks.

Last night, i went back,
i thought i would find my self,
But the harder i searched,
the more i lost myself,
in the cacophony of the midnight agonies...
The loud cries of Hunger,
silent wails of suffocated relationships,
stories of blood, rape and dejection,
from the rooms of caste and religion...
all of them,
traced and retraced their sour notes,
into the loud sonance of the still silence...

i didn't find my Self near the rail-tracks.
It should have been lying there..,
but it was there.
Where is it?
- "Did that train run over my Self"?

Epilogue:

Tired, i walked back...
and my own footsteps became very weary,
burdened with the pangs of guilt.
i reached my room,
inhabited by the homely silence,
when i realized,
my Self was lying there,
waiting for me...
it spoke to me in the language i just heard,
the language of the midnight...

My Self reminded me - i am no lesser criminal,
whenever i board a train,
turning a blind eye & deaf ear,
to the never ending dins of the midnight...
My Self divorced me that night
That moment was no longer tied to a stillness,
neither there were sonatas in the sky...

my own breath killed the fragrance of the night
the breath - which is yet to seek its meaning.

New year resolutions have a speciality, a unique significance. They die before they see february. To get back to blogging, i really needed a strong drive and i got that by resolving not to update this blog.
Everyone was wondering what happened to me. This blog has been lying idle since god knows when? No, it was not writer's block. Its sheer laziness and moody nature of mine. But now, atleast theoretically, things seem to be stabilizing.
Its been 24 hrs since i took up the 1st full-time job of my life, that of a associate analyst. 1 day through the work, i received reminders that i am not cut out for a typical 10-7 job like this.Also, with a schedule and work like that, i am sure the Real-Self inside me would meet its end sometime soon. I probably need to atleast attempt to give it more life, which is why i broke my new year resolution, much to my own pleasure.


All these days, i have been waiting for a job..and now when i have one..i can feel a sense of waiting for something else?
Someone has rightly written this fantastic dialogue in a fantastic film: "Yeh Zindagi bhi ek Waiting Room hain"...

Another year has withered away....



And here is my New Year resolution:

From now onwards, I wouldnt be updating this blog frequently...