Like everyone, i too have a forest,
of my own, in my mind, where i take a walk,
every day and every night,
In my forest, there is a path.
Be it morning, afternoon or night,
Someone looks at me closely,
Through the woods.
Someone always watches me,
With a stare that is piercing,
piercing into the fabric of my soul.
A voice says, ”You haven’t changed much,
"Are you sure you want to keep going this way?”,
With an apologetic smile.
I look up to face those watchful eyes.
And I see high above me,
Treetops, clouds, azure skies..
Changing colours all along,
The Winter, Summer and Autumn..
I recall my life from the beginning,
And I pause my heart to search...
answers to those questions which never found voice,
or those which found voices...muted,
those which had come and stayed but not gone
What have I accomplished? Nothing really.
What have I created? Nothing much.
Always I am struggling on, As best as I can.
Is my best Enough, when all is said and done?
I am always hoping that there is a lot of time,
Will I not be sorry when I find that there is none?
Won’t it be too late for me to realize,
That I had more things still, to fight with?

Someone is still watching me sternly, with gentle eyes,
From those unassailable quiet heights...
in my forest, across all those turns in that path,
Journeying along which, I say, to myself,
“I will try once again,
I will get over everything, I swear,
All those petty hurts, disappointments, lies and hate..”
And I hear the voice in answer,
“I believe you. Try and don’t succumb.
A stainless light will always lead you to your vision”.
All my life, along that path I  go,
To accomplish, to create-following a light,
That bids me - 'Come'.

In the midnight I suddenly realized that it all turned red,
those white flower patterns are gone and my pillow is soaked in blood
I warned you, but you didn't listen to me,
and you went on talking to me for long in the night,
about religion and how man has used it so far.
I told you that some realities turn into dreams?
but why is this the other way round?
Lets not talk about this next time.
Let me Sleep in peace.

Is it really possible to look at/observe/evaluate yourself objectivistically, from a neutral perspective, without being yourself?

From one pain, you’ve rescued me.
Did everything possible to cheer me up.
Helped me in my tears,
To move beyond my fears.
One night has ended.
And journey towards another has started.
Another night. Another pain.,
Which divides us,
With the units of time and distance.
Some emotions are indeed a journey,
On the rough waves of a tumultuous sea,
Prying into distant horizons, unexplored,
Of a tomorrow, unknown.

Lets cross this night and journey,
To explore that new dawn,
Hidden in a multitude of avenues,
Calling us in resonant voices.
A chapter lies behind us, let it lie.
Another chapter calls us, lets go…

Everyday I have a look at this link: Chennai Concerts 2008/09

And I feel I am a C-O-C-K.

Because I cannot go.

Damn Life!

Money is just a myth, an important myth though... used to measure the dimensions of reality.

I asked you
and you said
'you're too vague'
of course I am...
I am afraid
your answer
would be finite
leaving no room
for hope
for interpretation
for dreaming
for yearning
for the search
for myself
in you

An eternity lives
between a yes
and a no.

Written by Shekhar Kapur

What exactly is our aim in life?

What is the point we are trying to make?

Whatever we are doing, Is it of any consequence? To whom?

To be able to live, with freedom, choices and comfort seems to be sheer luck. If it is so, do we ought to spend it, aimlessly...always trying keep different things intact..preventing them from crumbling down..be it financial security or emotional bonding or job or future etc?

Are we all supposed to spend our lives, just like managers, balancing many things?

Will we ever be able to enrich ourselves with finer elements of life? things which we deem are finer and which are important to our quality of living?

Will we ever give something, as payback, for all the volume of life, the freedom and choices we have got? Will we ever see the need to give something? Give what? To Whom? to what?  Will our conscience shake us to reflect upon that? And will it push us to really reciprocate?

Do we really have something called conscience? Or is it just a myth?

Will we ever live, without regret? Will we ever give meaning to our own existence? If so, can it be devoid of compromise?

Can we ever be, without any restlessness?

This piece of news vindicated my thoughts, expressed in my previous post.

"The father of Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan, who died fighting terrorists in the Bombay, expressed immense anger towards politicians. He literally shooed away the Kerala Chief Minister, who delayed in offering condolences. The dead commando's father did not tolerate CM's presence and shouted at him to leave at once. He remained firm that no politician should ever enter his house and refused to meet the leaders from his state. He even threatened to commit suicide if any politician entered his house."

The point still remains - "Do our politicians get messages such as these?". The answer is, 'Sometimes, They do". But then, the height of insensitivity they display in their response is something which no politician in this World or for that matter, no sane and level-headed human being can match. Kerala Chief Minister remarked "If it had not been (Major) Sandeep's house, not even a dog would have glanced that way". Those words came, not from a road side riffraff, but from the 2nd citizen of a State - The Chief Minister, to the family of a soldier who died fighting the terrorists. This truly reflects our leaders and their sensibilities. This truly reflects the political class of India, atleast the one at the state-level. I have not come across more unethical, immoral, unscrupulous and shameless political class, than in India. Infact i regret that Major Sandeep's father did not spit on this f***er's face, when the latter visited to pay his psuedo-homage.

My only answer to this bastard would be - "Truly said Sir. No Dog would have ever glanced. But one Dog holding the post of Chief Minister of Kerala did try to glance their way and got the best reception ever."

On the very first day of the Terrorist attacks in Bombay, out of the shock, horror and helplessness that I am reminded of, there was only one element of solace... that our politicians maintained poise and did not indulge in the usual blame-game at each other. I thought all the Opposition parties would start blaming the Govt, instead of doing something concrete such as helping people at the hospitals or giving the moral support to India, a unified India, by using their oratory skills. But they surprised me, completely, by not speaking a word against the Government. The attitude of BJP, in particular, impressed me when they refused to use this gruesome incident as a tool to gain political advantage. "Ah! Sensibility Finally", I thought. I think the Govt. has to be blamed, but not at that hour and many parties displayed that sense of poise, much to my pleasant (the only pleasant thing on that day) surprise.

But then, within 24 hours, it is work as usual. I forgot, that they are politicians. How can they ever be stable? How can they ever stand by something? BJP chieftain Mr.Advani, as usual, boasted about how he could answer terrorists better in his heydays, ie., in his position as Home Minister during BJP rule. I saw him say "When they attacked in various places, the way we answered them was strong and unprecedented. we didn't spare them". My Dear Advaniji, What is the point you are trying to make?  You talk about bloody answering them. But Could you avoid those attacks from happening in the first place? Attacks happened right. So how does that differentiate your Govt. from this current Govt.? So, what are you beating your chest for, in this hour that too? And answering them is not your job anyways. It is not the job of this Govt. too. it is the army, the NSG, Naval commandos, the police... So, I don't see any difference, between that Govt. and this Govt. 

A newspaper in Bombay, today, had this message to the people - "Witness a terrorism free India, by voting for BJP" (translated from Hindi). The operation or rather the war with the terrorists at Taj Hotel did not finish yet. The bodies of victims have not been identified yet. The blood in the incident locations have not been cleaned yet. Do we need that message now? BJP is already up, playing to the gallery - Votes Votes and Votes. It cannot get more shameless than this. It is infact vulgar. What are the so called 'respected senior leaders' of BJP doing? I myself have had lot of respect, for some of the BJP leaders, despite differing with some of their ideologies and acts. But then, off-late, not just today, I completely lost all that. Even the so called 'statesmen' have become mere cheap politicians, who are actually running after power and not public welfare. What else can explain their statement in the newspaper at an hour when the entire World is uncertain about what could happen further and when everyone is praying for the safety of people there? Why should anyone vote for BJP? Because they Shamelessly asked, or should I say Begged, for votes in times of national despair. And can any politician, be it BJP or Congress or Janata etc, look and work beyond votes and seats of power?

Our respectable Prime Minister - addresses the nation, saying that his Govt. will take the sternest of the action in future. Really? Who are you kidding sir? You, with all those 50 doctorates you have got, might be having the noblest of the intentions. But can you really act tough, not giving in so-called suggestions of the leader of your Party. And what about your team? your ministers? your administration band? those chamchas? the entire machinery under you and under your team? Are they effective enough? Do you think atleast one sensible citizen of this country will believe you if you tell them that your men are effective enough? Don't they all together make a fantastic bunch of clowns, playing in/with/out the circus of Indian Democracy?

If only all our Police, Commandos and others dropped their hands and pushed all our Indian politicians to the war front!!! Atleast that would have been some rightful cleansing. This ethnic cleansing and all that crap which certain segments in each of our current religions (Islam, Hindus, Christianity..just everyone) are embarking on off-late, for no rational reason, will bring no good to humanity anyways. What we need, in India, is political cleansing. What would our Politicians do, if all their security personnels refuse to protect them for 5 minutes? Just 5 minutes? Given the magnitude of public anger in India, towards politicians, Can atleast one politician, without any security, dare to talk to a crowd? Can they walk into a crowd today? And a crowd which does not carry any weapon that is. A crowd in which there is not even a single terrorist or a naxalite or a militant. Can they walk into the real normal people of India? Can they dare? What will ensue is Mob violence. And I wish it ensues. I wish people of India, me included, drag these bastards out and flog them, lynch them and give them what they really deserve. and it is not just one political party. It is not about a Congress or BJP or CPI or whatever. Every insincere politician who has been doing nothing but amassing assets and properties must be dealt in the same way, even if it is undemocratic. Where is democracy anyways! And I don't think it will be undemocratic too. if atleast 51% of Indians feel the way I do, then... is it not democracy?

Watching TV since last 3 days, and following every bit of the massacre that happened in Bombay, watching those hundreds of innocent people dead, watching those brave soldiers give their lives just to end the trauma, watching those buffoons (politicians) paying their respects to far better souls (had something like that happened in my house, I would have not let a single politician bastard step into my house) than them... and anticipating the upcoming mud-slinging thats going to happen between various political parties, all I am left with is boiling blood and violent thoughts, against those terrorists who have been coming from outside... and these terrorists who have been inside, taking us all for granted - Our bloody F***ing useless politicians.

I commend, praise and appreciate the stance taken by the wife of ATS Chief Hemant Karkare, who died in this battle (There must be a good number of politicians/leaders, famous ones that too, who already criticized Karkare for his findings on Malegaon blasts and terrorism by Hindu outfits and who might now be rejoicing his death, for he came very close to wrapping up that investigation. Now they all go scot free, after paying a pseudo-homage to him)  She refused to take any compensation from Narendra Modi, who announced some compensation. Bravo! Fantastic! Kudos! for Keeping the spirit and honour of her husband alive!

 

A team of 11 people, play with a ball and a bat, to beat a score, just to win a useless cup, for this nation. And they are heaped with expensive Cars, pots of gold and lavish houses.

Few Hundreds of people, gamble in the game of death, play with their lives, to restore safety, security, lives and honour of this nation, settling scores and more importantly by becoming Gods to many people. All they will get now, are bloody peanuts!!!

Who are the real outstanding players? Who should be rewarded appropriately?

What is so great about cricket? What is so great about it and its players, that we have a separate page allotted to it Everyday in the newspapers and we have a separate TV channel for the game? what is so great that there is so much hype, ordeal, talk, money and paraphernalia about every damn thing associated with it?

What is so casual about human life? What is so ordinary about it, that despite fighting with their lives to save many other lives, the army officers don’t get that hype, time, space, attention, rewards and respect?

Is it just a coincidence, that a recent Hindi film, which tried to make a statement against the existing system tackling Terrorism, is named "A Wednesday". It was indeed an ill-fated Wednesday, when few Bastards ignited a mayhem in Bombay. And the mayhem continues. It is indeed shocking that some 20 swines casually entered the country, right through a monument, the name of which is probably taken far too seriously - 'Gateway of India'. They walk in. They kill people on the streets indiscriminately. They kill some of the best cadre cops. They inflict immense trauma to families. They take hostage. They spray bullets on civilians, journalists. They blow up cars. They hold ransom, not just the people, their lives, their future, their families, but my entire country. 25 fucking bastards, go on a massacre which hurts not just me, but everyone. I care not if it is of any consequence, but I strongly wish and pray that they should be apprehended first and then have their limbs, organs and skin peeled and severed layer by layer, before drilling one fat bullet, right into their mouth. This wish of mine, will not cease to play in my mind, until each of them is massacred, beyond recognition. They deserve nothing but death and a death, that eats them, inch by inch, in the most barbaric of the ways. And my blood shall continue to boil, till they are butchered.

Sometimes a childlike fantasy crosses my mind,
How would it be like... to send to you,
By merely hurling into thin air and blue,
All those things and thoughts I wanted to...

From early dawn,with eager enthusiasm,
I hurl many things, unto you, miles away,
Holding each and uttering your name,
And just flinging them away, all the day...

Those stacks of verses, some done and some unfinished,
Those trivial elements of beauty I often come across,
Few photographs and images which haven’t yet vanished,
From our ever-thirsting lives, stealing their gloss...

I send even pin-ups from my room and few words empty,
Each drifting slowly towards you, all the while,
Riding and abiding by these new rules of gravity,
And in the end, making you smile...

When the day is done to dusk, with no sound,
I hurl some songs to electrify the air around.

But when loneliness pins up in bright,
On the silent dark veil of the night,
Ploughing the thoughts I hide,
making my path narrow and wide,
Tell me, what shall I fling, to reach your own self?
Perhaps, those thoughts, a blank paper and myself.
That is when, in you, it is my own self I often find,
Sometimes this childlike fantasy crosses my mind...

Raj at play one more time, with the most malleable and wax-y instrument in our country - Indian Law. Do we have any country in which a political leader not only incites violence frequently, using provocative speeches, but also takes the credit for the vandalism. Raj Thackeray has a problem with everything that is non-Maharashtra. So, he and his people beat all the Non-Maharashtrians there, be it taxi-drivers or shop-keepers or vegetable-sellers. Damn the humanity and brotherhood, a self-respecting Maharashtrian should attack all the non-Maharashtrians and do whatever it takes, be it beating or flogging or killing, to drive them away from the state. And mind you, even film-stars should not be spared.

Divisive politics is something that is as old as Indian democracy (for records sake, lets assume that there is democracy) itself. Perhaps we are familiar with few sides of divisive politics, such as religion based or caste-based politics. For religion based politics, we have BJP, VHP, Bajrang Dal who lead the pack, citing a reason - Hindutva. Their vision of paradise in India is not when we have adequate food with no poverty, flourishing economy and peace, but when every single Muslim/Christian etc are driven away from this country. Where to? They have no idea either. I just heard in the news that the VHP WANTS EVERY HINDU TO PERPETUATE HIS RELIGION BY BEGETTING 5 CHILDREN. Reason: The Muslim population is growing a lot and in 90 years, it would overtake Hindu population. So, the 20-30yr olds in VHP cherish the golden dream to seeing more Hindus after 90s, when they are 120yrs old. The Muslims and Christians (not all, but the fanatic sections) have a different view of paradise. They want every Indian to practice Islam/Christianity as God is only Allah/Christ and no one else. It is perfectly justified even if they realize their dream at the cost of few millions of human lives.

In Caste-based politics, i don't think i can take any specific examples as such. Because Indian political system has bred leaders..sorry, ministers and politicians solely by using caste. Apart from Money, Caste is the only backbone of Indian political system. Country's development can wait, after-all, it has been only 61years since we got independence.

A new dimension of disintegration of this country is manifested in the region related divisive politics. AP's telangana issue is an example. Raj Thackeray's issue is slightly different. He is a regional fanatic and He, with his army, don't mind playing with law. Or I should better put it as: Their mind is all about playing with Indian law openly. Where else can you see a politician who OPENLY challenges and threatens the Government, in public meetings and newspapers that Government and People will face dire consequences if they are arrested or stopped in their mission. And that, even after the High Court warns him harshly.

For the last 2 days, several parts of Bombay is burning. The riots and vandalism is against the arrest of Raj Thackeray. He was arrested after his MNS (Maharshtra NavaNirmaan Seva) army attacked/beat Non-Maharashtrians who arrived in Maharashtra to write some Railway recruitment exams. MNS rioters attacked them at the examination centres. The government immediately called for his arrest and Raj Thackeray threatened to set Bombay on fire, if he was arrested. Both happened. But amidst all this ruckus, it is the common man who seems to have suffered the most. A Non-Maharashtrian in Bombay today, shivers to step out of the house probably. He shivers even more to stay in the house, for he doesn't know who might suddenly lock the house and set it on fire. After-all it is indeed the NavaNirmaan of Maharashtra.

After sufficient damage is done (i sometimes wonder if all this is planned, i mean the 'Damage value', be it in money or count of human lives, is probably calculated and they halt the rioting once a certain 'value' is reached, something like a threshold. Indeed, we have lot of threshold), the rioting stops. The activists and supporters are given a break and are asked to attend to specific duties such as transferring bags of money from one house to another. Once that is done, the politician gets the bail and he is let out. It happens the same way with every politician, no matter what crime or in his words - 'cleansing' he commits and it happened the same to Raj Thackeray too. After he threatened the Government and showed a trailer to them, soon after his arrest, the court granted him bail, much to the joy and applause of his supporters, who will now get ready for the next command, next episode and next war. The pages are turned to fresh ones, in the lives of everyone. Politicians, Government, Law, Judiciary, Media and People, for new entertainment to be scripted.

All this game is just for the entertainment of the people in India. Like films. Political Leaders are the script-writers, film-makers and producers. their chamchas and activists are the actors. Innocent people are the villains. Journalists are the cameramen, who don't want to miss a single shot. And pages on which all these are scripted are Democracy, Law, Judiciary etc. All these are collectively entertaining us all, the people of India, by playing with the actors and villains, tearing and raping the pages. We watch the films, get moved by them, have opinions, write blogs and forget. It happens so often now, that it does not matter anymore, or we don't bother anymore, atleast with the same degree of seriousness as we did few years ago. That was new and had shock-value. Now, we Indians are shock-absorbers, of just anything.

Indians don't like anything cohesive. We claim to have fought 'divide and rule' policy and we attach a social stigma to it. But the harsh reality is that we LIKE the divide and rule concept. Indians like to be divided, by religion, then by caste, then by sub-caste, then by sect, then by sub-sect and the moment our brains fail to conceive further divisions beyond these, we pull out another discriminative ideology - Regional Self-Respect and pump up the divisive politics again. So we have a MNS. Then we will soon have a BNS (Bengal) or PNS (Punjab) or even a TNS (Telangaana) by one more power-hungry local politician. On religious politics front, taking the legacy from VHP and Bajrang Dal, India might soon have a HNS (Hindutva NavaNirmaan Seva) or INS (Islam) or CNS (Christian) forming more fire-spewing communities, which go on to contest elections and participate in vandalism simultaneously. But India will never have a BNS (Bharateeya NavaNirmaan Sena).

Now it is Maharashtra and Telangaana, later, India will disintegrate further into more localized groups characterized by region or language or religion or caste of sect or occupation...the list is endless. One partition is already a red blotch in our history. These partitions will script more. The only difference is that we were sensitive to 1947 partition and it might not be the same in future partitions that are to come. These new partitions would be viewed merely as disintegrations. But then, disintegration outside is just a manifestation of the disintegration inside... of an Indian mind, heart and soul.

The world today seems like a market-place, where you can sell anything
people, dreams, passions, thoughts, truth, justice ...everything could be sold

This mad market-place, couldn't sell me till now!

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When I first tasted that wine you brought along one evening, do you remember,
I told you it was bitter initially but I loved it after few sips...and asked for more.

even today, when I reflect upon our relationship, I am reminded of that wine...

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Why does Man often spend his time counting his wounds and sorrows..
deeming his life to be the vast sky and his sorrows..akin to the dark clouds in it

Indeed, after childhood, man stops counting stars, which shine in the same sky?

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Do people love themselves enough that they wait, seek and search for the love of another person?

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Last night I spoke to the moon... till wee hours... because you were not here...
You did the same too, for I know that this moon is the messenger between us...

This night, the moon thanked us both, for breathing life into it, with our words...

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Corpses, Corpses Corpses...there are corpses everywhere in this country
Neither a bomb nor a gun, not even a sword, was found on this blood-path

Someone said religion here is a path to see god! they all did..

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The night kissed the fading day, and whispered in its ear,
"I shall carry you,for a while, in the womb of my darkness"

The dew drops of the dawn are perhaps its tears of longing, for its mother..

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The longings of the sea turn into music when it splashes on the shore
the longings of my thoughts turn into words when I write a verse.

Alas! My verses don't have music... Alas! The sea doesn't have my words...