Everyone has an opinion on the film 'Slumdog Millionaire'. The movie has been the muse and theme of every journalist, film-maker, blogger, artist, politician and jobless people too. I never had any opinion on the film, when i watched it 4 months ago. Yet, i seem to be having one now, and my opinion is much more an opinion on the opinions of people rather than on the film itself.

I first heard of Slumdog Millionaire probably in July 2008, when i read somewhere that lyricist Gulzar has written one song for a Hollywood film. Later, I read/heard a lot about this film sweeping many awards in various film-festivals. Infact, the first prediction about composer A.R.Rahman winning an Oscar for this film came from writer-director Anurag Kashyap, on his blog and i got curious only after reading that post. I got the soundtrack eventually and was surprised at the euphoria that has caught up for that music; the music was not ARR's best and i didn’t understand why it was clicking. Few days after that, I watched the film and i understood that the way music has been treated in the film was different. Instead of pure orchestral or techno scores laid in the background, here is a film which 'sells' music on the face, in certain sequences. It was different and the difference turned into a shock-value that got all the attention and it just caught along.

Coming to the film, i neither liked it nor disliked it. It was just a watch for me. Nothing more, nothing less. Technically, it was brilliantly shot and the director did handle the kids and their performances well. And the theme of the film, 'Keep the Hope Alive', was well-intended, although they did not effectively translate such a noble theme into heart-wrenching emotional content. That it is hyped up is no surprise. Yet, it was just a time-pass watch. That's about it. And i moved on.

What really amused me was the sharp criticism that came thundering down, for no reason. A section of people had a problem with the film, for no reason. The reasons they cited, in the newspapers and website, seemed so frivolous that I couldn't help laughing everytime I read such opinions.

Reason#1: Mis-representation of India.
My take: Every year, more than a dozen mainstream films have the same theme of 'promiscuity', irrespective of the premise of the film (be it sexed up thrillers from mahesh bhatt camp or movies on corporate business houses or on film industry or page-3 media on fashion industry or on people living in metros etc etc.) and nature of the characters. Are they not showing Indian people in poor light in such films, as sex-starved licentious morons unhappy with their current relationships? How come we applaud such films then? And i don't quite get one basic logic. If SDM being shot in India, makes it complete India, then can we consider all those NRI-catering Hindi films to be Hollywood/British Films? That reminds me, i recently watched a film called "Outsourced", in which an American manager in a firm visits the Indian call-centre office and trains the team there. He eventually falls in love the team-lead, an Indian lady from a conservative household. In one of the scenes, they get to spend a night in a hotel room and they indulge in the cardinal mischief. In the morning, when she wakes up, she tells him that nobody should know about it and later tells him that she is already engaged to someone else. Now this got me thinking - How come people did not raise a cry on this? How did they allow the director to show an Indian woman as an unscrupulous bitch? Is it not misrepresentation of Indian woman? or of Call Centre Employees?

Reason#2: Willful portrayal of India as 3rd world country by insulting Indians
My Take: Oh! Boy! This is imagination. Who wrote the book firstly? An Indian. coming to portrayal, what exactly did the film-maker portray? Slums? Well, a 1000 Hindi films portrayed slums before this film. probably 75% of Hindi films in 1980-90 era were based in slums, with protagonist (Anil Kapoor, Sanjay Dutt, Govinda etc) jumping into a bathroom where a nymphet is bathing. How come no one raised a cry then? Did everyone feel proud about that? how come we never bothered about all those slumdogs before? oh! they never swept any awards. So, valid enough. since this film is hogging the attention, we ought to be sure that we are shown decently there, even if we are not.

Reason#3: Exporting Poverty-porn, exploitation of poverty, blah blah..
My Take: Would people label it the same, if the film-maker was an Indian? Decades ago, there were 2 genius film-makers in India, by names Satyajit Ray and Rithwik Ghatak. They made films, socially relevant to the period, with great portrayals. I am sure, if they were alive and if they made same films now, in this era, they too would have faced the same flak - poverty-porn. How is it that we consider them legends today, when their films sold poverty in many film festivals? Why them? What about Sudhir Mishra's film 'Dharavi'? Why is it considered to be among the good art-house films? Why didn’t we banish that film because it depicted slums? So, it is alright if an Indian film-maker shows poverty or slums? But it is not alright if a Hollywood filmmaker does it. It is alright if we and our people see us naked. But it is not for outsiders? (to think of it, i felt that the movie neither had poverty nor slums, they just appeared in the film, in few shots. Probably a Swades or Mother India had much more duration of poverty than SDM, but as i said, our nakedness should be the muse to entertain only us, but not foreigners). Firstly, it is not an export, since neither the director nor the producer was Indian. secondly, if the same people criticizing the film can export something better (which i welcome), why don't they do it? In the last 1 decade, what have we exported predominantly in films, other than Weddings, Raj/Rahul/Sameer and Bhangra?

And finally, nobody talks about eradicating poverty, but only about it being shown, if at all it really was. And does the origin of film-maker really matter? Infact, i believe that if this film was called as Q&A, instead of the now infamous - slumdog, people would have perceived it differently. It is all in the mind and perception.

Ultimately, it was just a film. A film, whose success was an accident. Neither the film-maker, not the crew aimed at any award and it is evident from the style of film-making itself. The movie looked more like a adventurous daily soap rather than an emotional story (emotional enough to grip the awards committee). ARR never made the music for a certain golden globe or an oscar. If he aimed at them, the score would have been different. He made some music on his Apple computer, for 15 days and used it in the film. Strange that it worked. Instead of being happy that it worked, we have a section of people who complain about the unworthiness of the score. Well, if India wins a match because of a Tendulkar's mediocre innings, do we celebrate the moment of victory? or do we lament about Tendulkar not playing up to his level or not playing the Bradman shots? The most brilliant comment came from an obscure composer called 'Aadesh Shrivastava', who said that the film upset him very much and that he would never compose music for such films, even if Steven Spielberg approaches him. Bravo! I liked his Hope (thats what the film was all about, in case he missed the point, evidently). Just that it blends into insanity.

And I forgot, in India, there must be a religious angle to just everything. I read recently that ARR's "I choose Love over Hate and I am here" statement at the Oscars, has far reaching inner meanings than the humble/noble thought it carries. A certain screwed up character, a journalist infact, wrote in his webpage/blog that ARR's statement actually points to his choice of Islam over Hinduism and the writer blasted ARR for equating Hinduism to Hate. After reading it, I really wondered - ' The no. of Morons in India, is rising, significantly for sure'.

Offlate, my social observations putforth many a question before me. Why is it that these days people have low thresholds of tolerance or level-headed thinking? people find faults so easily, with little issues or frivolous things? How come people are getting offended so easily? A SDM irks filmmakers or common people. a movie title irks barbers. showing a villain character's caste irks that caste people. showing someone smoke on screen irks a certain minister. a valentine's day or pubbing irks a political group. and the less I talk about religious intolerance, the better. And regional? sectoral? linguistic? But i am trying to understand the root cause of this low-theshold for social anger, which seems to be unleashing very quickly from people, be it any issue. Is it frustration? About what? It was not this way, even 5-6 years ago. Ofcourse, people have become very busy now with hardly any time left for themselves. In the little time available, they put their time, energy, emotions and reactions at the mercy of media, which is busy making its own gains, like everyone. By looming so many negative thoughts, at the slightest of the trigger, people are increasingly proving that 'level-headed thinking' and 'rationality' are being replaced by their mad chase for their own needs, wants and securities, in any form they desire. In this run, towards success and identity, unfortunately, in the aspects such as human understanding and tolerance, the quality of mindsets is sinking into a shitpot, much like a scene from the film. People might become Millionaires for sure, atleast in the quality and pursuit of their dreams, but at the cost of becoming slumdogs too, in their mind - brash, short-tempered and frustrated, much like all those who found faults with just a normal film.

This piece of news vindicated my thoughts, expressed in my previous post.

"The father of Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan, who died fighting terrorists in the Bombay, expressed immense anger towards politicians. He literally shooed away the Kerala Chief Minister, who delayed in offering condolences. The dead commando's father did not tolerate CM's presence and shouted at him to leave at once. He remained firm that no politician should ever enter his house and refused to meet the leaders from his state. He even threatened to commit suicide if any politician entered his house."

The point still remains - "Do our politicians get messages such as these?". The answer is, 'Sometimes, They do". But then, the height of insensitivity they display in their response is something which no politician in this World or for that matter, no sane and level-headed human being can match. Kerala Chief Minister remarked "If it had not been (Major) Sandeep's house, not even a dog would have glanced that way". Those words came, not from a road side riffraff, but from the 2nd citizen of a State - The Chief Minister, to the family of a soldier who died fighting the terrorists. This truly reflects our leaders and their sensibilities. This truly reflects the political class of India, atleast the one at the state-level. I have not come across more unethical, immoral, unscrupulous and shameless political class, than in India. Infact i regret that Major Sandeep's father did not spit on this f***er's face, when the latter visited to pay his psuedo-homage.

My only answer to this bastard would be - "Truly said Sir. No Dog would have ever glanced. But one Dog holding the post of Chief Minister of Kerala did try to glance their way and got the best reception ever."

On the very first day of the Terrorist attacks in Bombay, out of the shock, horror and helplessness that I am reminded of, there was only one element of solace... that our politicians maintained poise and did not indulge in the usual blame-game at each other. I thought all the Opposition parties would start blaming the Govt, instead of doing something concrete such as helping people at the hospitals or giving the moral support to India, a unified India, by using their oratory skills. But they surprised me, completely, by not speaking a word against the Government. The attitude of BJP, in particular, impressed me when they refused to use this gruesome incident as a tool to gain political advantage. "Ah! Sensibility Finally", I thought. I think the Govt. has to be blamed, but not at that hour and many parties displayed that sense of poise, much to my pleasant (the only pleasant thing on that day) surprise.

But then, within 24 hours, it is work as usual. I forgot, that they are politicians. How can they ever be stable? How can they ever stand by something? BJP chieftain Mr.Advani, as usual, boasted about how he could answer terrorists better in his heydays, ie., in his position as Home Minister during BJP rule. I saw him say "When they attacked in various places, the way we answered them was strong and unprecedented. we didn't spare them". My Dear Advaniji, What is the point you are trying to make?  You talk about bloody answering them. But Could you avoid those attacks from happening in the first place? Attacks happened right. So how does that differentiate your Govt. from this current Govt.? So, what are you beating your chest for, in this hour that too? And answering them is not your job anyways. It is not the job of this Govt. too. it is the army, the NSG, Naval commandos, the police... So, I don't see any difference, between that Govt. and this Govt. 

A newspaper in Bombay, today, had this message to the people - "Witness a terrorism free India, by voting for BJP" (translated from Hindi). The operation or rather the war with the terrorists at Taj Hotel did not finish yet. The bodies of victims have not been identified yet. The blood in the incident locations have not been cleaned yet. Do we need that message now? BJP is already up, playing to the gallery - Votes Votes and Votes. It cannot get more shameless than this. It is infact vulgar. What are the so called 'respected senior leaders' of BJP doing? I myself have had lot of respect, for some of the BJP leaders, despite differing with some of their ideologies and acts. But then, off-late, not just today, I completely lost all that. Even the so called 'statesmen' have become mere cheap politicians, who are actually running after power and not public welfare. What else can explain their statement in the newspaper at an hour when the entire World is uncertain about what could happen further and when everyone is praying for the safety of people there? Why should anyone vote for BJP? Because they Shamelessly asked, or should I say Begged, for votes in times of national despair. And can any politician, be it BJP or Congress or Janata etc, look and work beyond votes and seats of power?

Our respectable Prime Minister - addresses the nation, saying that his Govt. will take the sternest of the action in future. Really? Who are you kidding sir? You, with all those 50 doctorates you have got, might be having the noblest of the intentions. But can you really act tough, not giving in so-called suggestions of the leader of your Party. And what about your team? your ministers? your administration band? those chamchas? the entire machinery under you and under your team? Are they effective enough? Do you think atleast one sensible citizen of this country will believe you if you tell them that your men are effective enough? Don't they all together make a fantastic bunch of clowns, playing in/with/out the circus of Indian Democracy?

If only all our Police, Commandos and others dropped their hands and pushed all our Indian politicians to the war front!!! Atleast that would have been some rightful cleansing. This ethnic cleansing and all that crap which certain segments in each of our current religions (Islam, Hindus, Christianity..just everyone) are embarking on off-late, for no rational reason, will bring no good to humanity anyways. What we need, in India, is political cleansing. What would our Politicians do, if all their security personnels refuse to protect them for 5 minutes? Just 5 minutes? Given the magnitude of public anger in India, towards politicians, Can atleast one politician, without any security, dare to talk to a crowd? Can they walk into a crowd today? And a crowd which does not carry any weapon that is. A crowd in which there is not even a single terrorist or a naxalite or a militant. Can they walk into the real normal people of India? Can they dare? What will ensue is Mob violence. And I wish it ensues. I wish people of India, me included, drag these bastards out and flog them, lynch them and give them what they really deserve. and it is not just one political party. It is not about a Congress or BJP or CPI or whatever. Every insincere politician who has been doing nothing but amassing assets and properties must be dealt in the same way, even if it is undemocratic. Where is democracy anyways! And I don't think it will be undemocratic too. if atleast 51% of Indians feel the way I do, then... is it not democracy?

Watching TV since last 3 days, and following every bit of the massacre that happened in Bombay, watching those hundreds of innocent people dead, watching those brave soldiers give their lives just to end the trauma, watching those buffoons (politicians) paying their respects to far better souls (had something like that happened in my house, I would have not let a single politician bastard step into my house) than them... and anticipating the upcoming mud-slinging thats going to happen between various political parties, all I am left with is boiling blood and violent thoughts, against those terrorists who have been coming from outside... and these terrorists who have been inside, taking us all for granted - Our bloody F***ing useless politicians.

I commend, praise and appreciate the stance taken by the wife of ATS Chief Hemant Karkare, who died in this battle (There must be a good number of politicians/leaders, famous ones that too, who already criticized Karkare for his findings on Malegaon blasts and terrorism by Hindu outfits and who might now be rejoicing his death, for he came very close to wrapping up that investigation. Now they all go scot free, after paying a pseudo-homage to him)  She refused to take any compensation from Narendra Modi, who announced some compensation. Bravo! Fantastic! Kudos! for Keeping the spirit and honour of her husband alive!

 

A team of 11 people, play with a ball and a bat, to beat a score, just to win a useless cup, for this nation. And they are heaped with expensive Cars, pots of gold and lavish houses.

Few Hundreds of people, gamble in the game of death, play with their lives, to restore safety, security, lives and honour of this nation, settling scores and more importantly by becoming Gods to many people. All they will get now, are bloody peanuts!!!

Who are the real outstanding players? Who should be rewarded appropriately?

What is so great about cricket? What is so great about it and its players, that we have a separate page allotted to it Everyday in the newspapers and we have a separate TV channel for the game? what is so great that there is so much hype, ordeal, talk, money and paraphernalia about every damn thing associated with it?

What is so casual about human life? What is so ordinary about it, that despite fighting with their lives to save many other lives, the army officers don’t get that hype, time, space, attention, rewards and respect?

Is it just a coincidence, that a recent Hindi film, which tried to make a statement against the existing system tackling Terrorism, is named "A Wednesday". It was indeed an ill-fated Wednesday, when few Bastards ignited a mayhem in Bombay. And the mayhem continues. It is indeed shocking that some 20 swines casually entered the country, right through a monument, the name of which is probably taken far too seriously - 'Gateway of India'. They walk in. They kill people on the streets indiscriminately. They kill some of the best cadre cops. They inflict immense trauma to families. They take hostage. They spray bullets on civilians, journalists. They blow up cars. They hold ransom, not just the people, their lives, their future, their families, but my entire country. 25 fucking bastards, go on a massacre which hurts not just me, but everyone. I care not if it is of any consequence, but I strongly wish and pray that they should be apprehended first and then have their limbs, organs and skin peeled and severed layer by layer, before drilling one fat bullet, right into their mouth. This wish of mine, will not cease to play in my mind, until each of them is massacred, beyond recognition. They deserve nothing but death and a death, that eats them, inch by inch, in the most barbaric of the ways. And my blood shall continue to boil, till they are butchered.

Raj at play one more time, with the most malleable and wax-y instrument in our country - Indian Law. Do we have any country in which a political leader not only incites violence frequently, using provocative speeches, but also takes the credit for the vandalism. Raj Thackeray has a problem with everything that is non-Maharashtra. So, he and his people beat all the Non-Maharashtrians there, be it taxi-drivers or shop-keepers or vegetable-sellers. Damn the humanity and brotherhood, a self-respecting Maharashtrian should attack all the non-Maharashtrians and do whatever it takes, be it beating or flogging or killing, to drive them away from the state. And mind you, even film-stars should not be spared.

Divisive politics is something that is as old as Indian democracy (for records sake, lets assume that there is democracy) itself. Perhaps we are familiar with few sides of divisive politics, such as religion based or caste-based politics. For religion based politics, we have BJP, VHP, Bajrang Dal who lead the pack, citing a reason - Hindutva. Their vision of paradise in India is not when we have adequate food with no poverty, flourishing economy and peace, but when every single Muslim/Christian etc are driven away from this country. Where to? They have no idea either. I just heard in the news that the VHP WANTS EVERY HINDU TO PERPETUATE HIS RELIGION BY BEGETTING 5 CHILDREN. Reason: The Muslim population is growing a lot and in 90 years, it would overtake Hindu population. So, the 20-30yr olds in VHP cherish the golden dream to seeing more Hindus after 90s, when they are 120yrs old. The Muslims and Christians (not all, but the fanatic sections) have a different view of paradise. They want every Indian to practice Islam/Christianity as God is only Allah/Christ and no one else. It is perfectly justified even if they realize their dream at the cost of few millions of human lives.

In Caste-based politics, i don't think i can take any specific examples as such. Because Indian political system has bred leaders..sorry, ministers and politicians solely by using caste. Apart from Money, Caste is the only backbone of Indian political system. Country's development can wait, after-all, it has been only 61years since we got independence.

A new dimension of disintegration of this country is manifested in the region related divisive politics. AP's telangana issue is an example. Raj Thackeray's issue is slightly different. He is a regional fanatic and He, with his army, don't mind playing with law. Or I should better put it as: Their mind is all about playing with Indian law openly. Where else can you see a politician who OPENLY challenges and threatens the Government, in public meetings and newspapers that Government and People will face dire consequences if they are arrested or stopped in their mission. And that, even after the High Court warns him harshly.

For the last 2 days, several parts of Bombay is burning. The riots and vandalism is against the arrest of Raj Thackeray. He was arrested after his MNS (Maharshtra NavaNirmaan Seva) army attacked/beat Non-Maharashtrians who arrived in Maharashtra to write some Railway recruitment exams. MNS rioters attacked them at the examination centres. The government immediately called for his arrest and Raj Thackeray threatened to set Bombay on fire, if he was arrested. Both happened. But amidst all this ruckus, it is the common man who seems to have suffered the most. A Non-Maharashtrian in Bombay today, shivers to step out of the house probably. He shivers even more to stay in the house, for he doesn't know who might suddenly lock the house and set it on fire. After-all it is indeed the NavaNirmaan of Maharashtra.

After sufficient damage is done (i sometimes wonder if all this is planned, i mean the 'Damage value', be it in money or count of human lives, is probably calculated and they halt the rioting once a certain 'value' is reached, something like a threshold. Indeed, we have lot of threshold), the rioting stops. The activists and supporters are given a break and are asked to attend to specific duties such as transferring bags of money from one house to another. Once that is done, the politician gets the bail and he is let out. It happens the same way with every politician, no matter what crime or in his words - 'cleansing' he commits and it happened the same to Raj Thackeray too. After he threatened the Government and showed a trailer to them, soon after his arrest, the court granted him bail, much to the joy and applause of his supporters, who will now get ready for the next command, next episode and next war. The pages are turned to fresh ones, in the lives of everyone. Politicians, Government, Law, Judiciary, Media and People, for new entertainment to be scripted.

All this game is just for the entertainment of the people in India. Like films. Political Leaders are the script-writers, film-makers and producers. their chamchas and activists are the actors. Innocent people are the villains. Journalists are the cameramen, who don't want to miss a single shot. And pages on which all these are scripted are Democracy, Law, Judiciary etc. All these are collectively entertaining us all, the people of India, by playing with the actors and villains, tearing and raping the pages. We watch the films, get moved by them, have opinions, write blogs and forget. It happens so often now, that it does not matter anymore, or we don't bother anymore, atleast with the same degree of seriousness as we did few years ago. That was new and had shock-value. Now, we Indians are shock-absorbers, of just anything.

Indians don't like anything cohesive. We claim to have fought 'divide and rule' policy and we attach a social stigma to it. But the harsh reality is that we LIKE the divide and rule concept. Indians like to be divided, by religion, then by caste, then by sub-caste, then by sect, then by sub-sect and the moment our brains fail to conceive further divisions beyond these, we pull out another discriminative ideology - Regional Self-Respect and pump up the divisive politics again. So we have a MNS. Then we will soon have a BNS (Bengal) or PNS (Punjab) or even a TNS (Telangaana) by one more power-hungry local politician. On religious politics front, taking the legacy from VHP and Bajrang Dal, India might soon have a HNS (Hindutva NavaNirmaan Seva) or INS (Islam) or CNS (Christian) forming more fire-spewing communities, which go on to contest elections and participate in vandalism simultaneously. But India will never have a BNS (Bharateeya NavaNirmaan Sena).

Now it is Maharashtra and Telangaana, later, India will disintegrate further into more localized groups characterized by region or language or religion or caste of sect or occupation...the list is endless. One partition is already a red blotch in our history. These partitions will script more. The only difference is that we were sensitive to 1947 partition and it might not be the same in future partitions that are to come. These new partitions would be viewed merely as disintegrations. But then, disintegration outside is just a manifestation of the disintegration inside... of an Indian mind, heart and soul.

I have always thought and believed that we can get away with anything in India, by paying hardly anything. Till date, I don't our system has underwent any change which can disprove my notion.

This news article confirmed the same.

Sometime around last year, a senior advocate R K Anand was caught on camera, negotiating a bribe, to let a wealthy criminal get away from the apparently long hands of India law. Quite surprisingly, our rusted judicial machinery did administer this and took a not-so-long one year to give its verdict. The bright-side of this judgement is that, quite unusually, the court held that R K Anand was guilty of obstructing the administration of justice using unfair practices. The court stripped him of his designation of Senior Advocate, which indeed raised by eye-brows. Additionally, the court's judgement also disallows him to appear in High Court and its subordinate courts, for 4 months.

But the icing on it and the darker side of this judgement is the imposition of fine. The court, probably was oblivious of current price index and was probably referring its 1950 benchmarks, that it imposed a 'hefty' fine of Rs.2000 on him. I wonder if he could afford it!

Did the court atleast knew that Mr. Anand himself charges in lakhs, per hour, to his clients. Rs.2000 is perhaps the pocket money given by Mr.Anand to his driver's son.

One of the readers rightly commented on that webpage: "Only in India we fine a person a mere Rs. 2000 for raping the law of the land." But then, that is Indian Law.

My point is, why was he not convicted? Does being a lawyer or senior advocate automatically exempts him from convictions, no matter whatever is the magnitude of  the crime he commits?

Well , most people will feel content that Mr Anand has now been disgraced. But I am not. But I am sure this would not make any difference to R K Anand. Afterall, he could get away with not few hundreds, but Rs.2000.

This blog required an update several times. But i ignored it, only because it is increasingly transforming into a newspaper. But i really dont care!


Today afternoon, when i was driving across my street, i noticed a huge idol of Lord Ganesha (Vinayaka). It had been there since a week but i never bothered to look at it, only because the accompanying noisy (noise is sweeter) drums (the din-chak din-chak) and a swarm of drunken devotees always disgusted me enough, that i took some other route to reach my house. well, enroute, i used to see atleast 6 smaller Ganeshas...thats a different story. So today afternoon,when we were passing by that huge idol, my mother startled me with some local information, or say the information which only our colony people know. That idol was worth Rs.80,000. Shudder is the right word to describe my expression after i heard that. Rs.80,000. and the entire street is filled with posters of some esteemed rogue-like dignitaries belonging to the association which has put up that idol. Wonder how much money has been put into those hundreds of posters. The electricity. The sound arrangements for uninterrupted torture to the neighbours. How much does it all come to? How many lakhs?

People spend some lakhs on 1 such idol, and to think of it, in the entire city of Hyderabad, with thousands of idols being put up in every bylane, how much money is being invested in all this fray. We have a chief association in Hyderabad for organising this etire thing for the city. This organisation is headed by some bastards, sorry, politicians (i think it is high time the english pundits realize that both are synonyms, atleast in India)who hog money in the face of devotion(they do it for anything anyways). These people weild power in their hands. They are the people who execute this mass business and make a profit of it. They incite the people to put up so many idols. They procure the permissions from Government, and if they are denied permission anywhere, they protest on the roads, blocking the traffic and creating a havoc.

After putting them up, the Indian comedy show continues. Everyday, the locals organize a series of programs and stuff to keep the show running. These include, not just conducting prayers but also dances. I have seen people dancing to a 'Kajra Re' at one of the idols. Indeed, even devotion has come of age.

After the so called 10 days, when each and every politician involved is content with the bulge of his pocket,the time has come for immersion. Despite the cour order from Supreme Court that idols could be immersed anywhere, this great association throws every court order to thin air and passes a ruling that all the idols should be immersed only at Hussain Sagar lake. They stick to it, only because it has been TRADITION to immerse the idols there. Thus starts another comedy show. Now, thats the final call, where they can make some more money. Government itself spends huge money for immersion arrangements.

And when the D-day arrives, the investment runs into crores. be it for police, for arrangements, or for the posters(millions of them), for garlands, for procession, for drummers, arrack shops, just everything. People get drunk, and still perform the poojas. They create a mayhemwith the city traffic, and yet get away with it. the sound pollution. All this...worth some hundreds of crores. And where is that money going? Hussain Sagar Lake. Ironically, the lake wake is being cleaned 365 days a year, although i always found it stinking.

The show ends when everyone is happy, with their wants satisfied. The politicians are happy with their pockets. The public is happy with the merry ride they had, and will continue to believe that their drunk dance on the streets is enough to wash all their sins away. The priests are happy because they earned much more than what they usually earn. The owners of arrack shops and wine shops are happy because of the spike in sales. The deaf drummers are happy because they earned their share too. The police are happy because their share from the corrupt bounty reached them. The electricity department officials were silenced long ago so they dont have a reason to complain. the auto-rickshaw/trolley/lorry drivers and their owners are happy because the money reached them too. Everyone is happy. even Lord Ganesha is happy, for he has been a spectator (if he really was) to all this drama.Hundreds of Crores changed hands..and metamorphosized into devotion, dogma, fanatism, liquor,noise, insensibility and blindness. Everyone got what they wanted, atleast a share of it and there is no one left to complain.

But yes, there are few... far away. I heard that 40000 families are affected by floods caused by heavy rains, somewhere in the coastal side of Andhra Pradesh. 58 people died too.

Nevermind, we dont have time for all that. Dussehra is coming up. Its time for Durga Pooja folks!

India is a Developing Nation

This is real India...An India, which is shining...which is growing...and emerging.

Indian politicians readily take things into hand and no politician from any country has the courage and audacity to take things into hand in the way Indian politicians do. We should be proud of such people and all the more, we should be proud of ourselves, because we made them our leaders.

Take my word, India has a great future, with leaders like these. Because just unlike the leaders in our history, these leaders do not go to jail. They can never be imprisoned...whatsoever. And we WILL vote for them. They will become future ministers and will rule this nation, much like the same way they were enforcing their rule in the video.

India will shine more...grow more... and rise to a level where no other country can reach.

Be proud about this country...and its people.

I am.

FYI: Dont be disappointed by the fact those leaders in the Video have been arrested. They were granted bail by our Great Judiciary, within minutes. My Great India!

"An eye for an eye, makes the whole world Blind" - M.K.Gandhi.

Is it wrong? or Is it right?
Does it make any difference at all, today?
The people of my country are already blind...

The music didn't stop.The collision of my thoughts, didnt stop either. And that was no music in my mind.

Prisoners yearn to talk with strangers.Probably, they long to..just talk, be it with anyone. Yet, they maintain some dignity in the way they present themselves. They are very particular about not getting to reveal the reason why they are there. If someone asks upfront, "Why are you here?", they just look straight into the eyes and smile. A condemning expression, which is just enough to express disapproval, could actually make one feel guilty for asking it. Because it peels the veneers...of a wound, with which a prisoner lives everyday there..probably all hs life, sometimes.

I purposefully refrained myself from asking such personal questions. Yet, my informal chats with some prisoners unexpectedly steered towards such questions, the answers to which left me almost in a stoic state, for the rest of the day.

My interaction with other prisoners threw up some startling facts on my face. I didnt know how to react when a prisoner told me that over 30% of the prisoners there were actually innocent, and landed there only because they could not prove their innocence. False-cases! A sizeable chunk of people there got convicted in domestic-crime cases, such as dowry cases and suicides. There are some people who got convicted because their spouses committed suicides. Suicides for no great valid reason (is any reason valid enough?) but out of sheer depression due to frivolous reasons. The flautist there, i came to know(as narrated by another prisoner), was convicted for the same reason. His wife committed suicide, out of frustration..that he yelled at her in anger.The case filed was "dowry harrassment". He couldn't prove his innocence and in an attempt to save his parents, he took the blame.

In these situations, one might argue if what we are told by the prisoners stands for truth or not. Even i encountered the same thought, when i was talking to them. "Is it really the truth?" . A clutter of thoughts.. But then, i just thought - "what would this man gain by passing a fictitious story as truth?" Sympathy?? what sympathy can i shower on a person whom i meet only once in my life to interact for only 15 minutes? and what does it fetch him in return, materialistically? would a convict really bother about his image on my mind, when he knows that i am just a visitor there, a real stranger, and can't make a frigging different to his life, in whatsoever state it is? would he camouflague the real story for his "15 minutes of sympathy?". I dont know.. he might. He might not too. But i just took the facts by face, only because...if i were in his place, i wouldnt really care about what a visitor would think about me. Because a visitor..is a mere visitor and cannot change the status-quo of my life, in any way. So, if i were in his place, i would probably remain silent or even if i wish to speak, i might speak the truth as well.

One more guy i spoke to, had similar experience. He is an engineer and his brother is a IIT-grad now working in London. He said that he couldnt pay more money(after selling the pawning the property he had) to the Judge, during the time of his trial (4 yrs ago), for which, he has been sentenced for 5 years.When i asked "even Judges?", he said that, right from moment FIR is filed, it is only money which moves. Any particular post where the flow of money stops, the man ends up in jail. "95% of the judges are corrupt", he said. Given the recent case where the witnesses were openly bribed(shown on TV using cameras, but still, the briber/accused go scott free..it happens only in India), in a high-profile case stuck in Supreme Court, i felt that his estimate wouldnt be entirely wrong, though i hoped it could be an exaggerated estimate. whatever! i felt like spitting on the Indian Judiciary, on which my faith had always been going down...to zilch.

I learnt that the typical 7 year imprisonment is actually not 7 years and that it would actually come down to 4.5 to 5 years, if the behaviour of the convict is good.But what if the convicted person is actually innocent? to think of it, how many innocent people! being in jail is what? is it loss of just liberty? or loss of life tooo, although it is not a death sentence? its 4-7 years? it is loss of everything. career, personal life, personal moments, relationships, dreams, possible futures, hopes. its loss of life. whats left? its 4-7 years of waiting. frustration. anger and all consummating into - "making of another criminal". i am sure, if i were falsely convicted for any reason, i would definitely become a criminal by the end of my sentenced period. and Who makes such criminals!! Our Law! Our Judiciary!

I dont know how prisons were before, but there are some fair things about the one i visited. Prisoners have the opportunity to keep themselves occupied during the day. There are two factories where some of them work. Then, there are courses such as polytechnic, electronics, arts etc. hich some prisoners take up. Everyday, meditation classes are conducted there, which a good number of prisoners attend. if the conduct of a prisoner is really good, he is even allowed to speak to his family almost daily if they visit him. Otherwise, typically, they are allowed some 30 minutes to 60 minutes on any day in a week. But i thought for a moment, "what would the waiting for that moment, be like?" and after waiting for a whole week, if a prisoner's family do not visit him, for some reason, what kind of thouughts hark in his mind? Restless ones? if so, of what magnitude?

By evening, we bid good-byes to the prisoners. Since we were running short of time, we could go around only through some corridors of the prison. I understood that prison is no different from a hostel or a dormitory, except for the fact that the basic rights of a person are stripped.
with a variety of mixed feelings, i got into the bus, to head back home. The events of the day rolled like a mini movie in my mind again and gave me many thoughts, at the end of the day, two of which are :

1. One of the most priceless yet valuable things in life, apart from life, is Liberty. The liberty to chose one's own moment(s) and to make many such choices which make up a living.

2. We need to have gratitude for whole a lot of things such as: our own luck, for being born where we are born. Then, for our upbringing and the education we had. A gratitude for the sense of rationality which was groomed in us, by people, environment, our own thoughts etc. and good deal of gratitude for our own choices till date. and not to forget, a deeper sense of gratitude for that unknown which didnt set up anything so worse for us, that would have landed us in there.

i came home at 6:00pm, with heavily loaded thoughts. As usual, i wanted to run away from them, because there was a feeling of those thoughts blasting and suffocating my mind. Unable to handle them all...i choose to take a nap.

And i slept. Again...

'Within yourself, deliverance must be searched for, because each man makes his own prison'

- Anonymous

"We are all prisoners but some of us are in cells with windows and some without."

- Kahlil Gibran

I thought it would be just another day, with little difference. The company i am working in, wanted to make some difference, atleast on one-day in a year. It mandated that all the employees would do some community service, a social work sort of thing on one day. Managers and Team leaders formed several threads which focussed on many activities such as planting trees, visiting orphanages, old-age homes, distributing clothes to street children etc. My thread was called "Happiness behind the bars", which required us to visit the central prison so that we can mingle with the jail-inmates and ignite some self-confidence in them. The idea was to conduct some activities so that they have fun too. Without even a faint idea about how the experience would be like, i went to Central Prision located at Cherlapally, Hyderabad.

The ticker of thoughts startoff the moment you enter into a prison. and that is true for everyone. I just saw how a prison actually is, and how different it is from what we imagine, thanks to the innumerable movies which project a Pseudo picture of prison.

All the jail-inmates assembled at an open place, which has a dias sort of thing. They were already waiting for us. As i walked ahead, to sit with them, a sudden gush of thoughts struck my mind. those thoughts were loud. quite loud. every face looked at me as i walked past. My gaze was slipping down, for some unknown reason. I dont know why i was feeling guilty to look into their eyes. Perhaps, the guilt was about me being there, which i am sure, must have provoked the still-thoughts of all the people there. It takes lot of courage to look at their face. I couldnt gather it all, the moment it started slipping down. i just needed some time. Probably every face looking at me was jealous about me. and it was me who provoked it, by being there. After few moments, i began looking at the people..just to know who they were and what initial-reactions would my brain synthesize, from the observations.

The look on each face there...it is inexplicable. I didnt really see the faces much. I only looked into their eyes and that was indeed the ice -breaking part of the whole thing. Every look, was no doubt similar to each other, but they had lot in them.probably i was reading too much into them... but my perception of their looks carried lot of baggage. Because there was hidden story behind every face. i just wondered the number of times, they would have recounted the same story, sitting there..with a hope that a day would arrive when they dont have to recount it again and just begin everything afresh.

A prison is one place where a highly educated and well-civilised person and a complete uncouth, both, share a joke, indulge in a conversation and even respect each other. This is a sight which i never got to saw before, not even in the best of temples, which are supposed to be the abodes of God, in front of whom, all are equal. What strange relationship binds two jail inmates? It is not just similar to that of two room-mates in a hostel. Because somewhere deep within oneself, every person, after emarking on a journey of introspection (and retrospection), gets tired talking to oneself and ends up talking out his mind to people around him.

When i went on distributing the refreshment packets to all the people there, some people dispelled every notion of mine, regarding a prison and a criminal, by responding in a very suave - "Thank You very much Sir..". And everytime a gentleman there responded that way, my mind was bombarded with "what might have happened!!". That afternoon, i felt some explosions in my mind...quite many times.

When the cultural events programme started, few prisoners there entertained their fellow friends with some folk and baul songs. When an announcement was made that a certain gentleman would be playing flute, i looked for him, in eager anticipation. Thought it would be another folk tune. To my surprise, that gentleman started playing something which i could very much identify. An Aalaap in Raag 'Keeravani'. the 2-min aalaap later dissolved into an enchanting performance of the song "Zara Zara" from Rehna Hai tere Dil mein ("Vaseegara in Tamil). He played the song, completely, along with interludes and all..to the perfection. The thunderous applause (even from my end), gave me a jolt. Later, the same gentleman played many other telugu songs, and every song was prefixed with a brief aalap of the raaga in which that song was composed. They included Raag "Mohana" ("Bhoopali in Hindustani") , Raag "Suddha Dhanyasi" and Raag "Sivaranjani". Among the songs played to perfection, the most notable was the breathless composition of the late 80s "Maate raani chinnadaani" from film "O paapa Laali" (song "Mannil Intha" from tamil film "Keladi Kanmani").

Obviously curious, i later got to talk to this flautist and mentioned to him the raagas he played. He told me that he got to learn indian classical music for 3 years but due to some unavoidable circumstances, couldnt pursue further since life led him to that place. after having a brief discussion on indian classical music with him, he gave me a small token of gift - a small book having some sacred chants. he was so down to earth and soft-spoken, which really made me more curious about the reason why he was there. i didnt ask him though. But what touched me the most was when he told me - " today's songs are all crap. i dont even listen to them, forget playing. if you ask my favourites, i can say - Only Ilaiyaraaja". i immediately gathered the words "I have a huge collection of ilaiyaraaja's music, i would like to give it to you...". i couldn't utter them.

(to be continued...)

OK. The Indians faced disappointment in the World Cup. Well, i had no expectations, so i dont claim to be one among those disappointed lot. I think we people have made a lot about this cricket fever. Everyday, the news headlines is about Cricket controversies and related stuff, while more socially relevant news items such as the death of a certain army officer is hardly covered. Infact, the cricket battles are so uninteresting that the moment i come across the ongoing disagreements between coaches and players and all that crap, i simply ignore it all. But i was bigtime surprised when Narayana Murthy, the Infosys idol, for whom i have lot of respect, voiced out his opinions on the cricket issue. The article which appeared in Times of India, is a kind of bitter-pill which the Indian team needs to swallow, in order to diagnose itself. Although his thoughts are pointed at the Indian cricket team, the thoughts are powerful enough to be applied anywhere, be it indian society or government machinery or a company or just any entity. Apart from carrying the undertones of inspiration, i felt that his thoughts have a fine blend of honesty, ruthlessness and simplicity. If only, these simple thoughts are put to action by people, India would have really been shining?

Did it ever happen in Indian political arena that all the political parties reached a consensus? Yes, it happened once. When a certain bill was proposed in the parliament, requiring all the MPs to declare their assets and income, all the political parties opposed it. well! that was not surprising. Afterall, they are Bastards.

After years, it happened again today.

The Supreme Court of India put on hold, the 27% quota for OBCs in all government aided higher educational institutions, proposed by our great central government. The court said - "Nowhere else in the world do castes classes or communities queue up for the sake of gaining backward status. Nowhere else in the world is there competition to assert backwardness and then to claim that we are more backward than you". Well! in my opinion, that statement was a slap on the face of Indian Soceity. Though the issue has not been resolved yet, the stay order from Supreme Court, gives a ray of hope to people who are fighting for the cause. But they have bigger enemies. The same bastardical clan of Indian politicians. All the political parties are united to express their disappointment and disapproval of the Court's order.

At times, i really dont understand people in India. they elect a person and forget about him. Why dont we indians have the juices in our balls to drag these politicians out of their offices/parliament and flog them on the streets, when we know that what they are doing is not right? Why do militants and terrorists create havoc in public places only, killing innocent people? Why didnt India witness a great revolution(i dont consider Independence struggle as a great revolution)? Or a civil war, ousting these bastards whose interests were diammetrically opposite to that of the people of this country? Why are we tolerating all these bastards who are not only unscrupulous, but are utterly shameless, conscienceless and openly/brazenly dishonest?

Why?

if not violence, why not a Satyagraha atleast? When will we realize that behind all this 8% GDP growth, thousands of lives are in shambles solely because of these politicians? When will all the people come together, in consensus, to revolt against these Bastards?

Click on the Pic (or on the title). I came across this site recently. All you need to do this Click everyday to donate a meal. It doesnt cost anything, except some space in your Favourites list. I click it everyday. I am sure everyone will, if it is spread around. Please do so.

In the Asia pacific region, two countries which are attracting the Global attention are 'India' & 'China'. Over the last few years, these two countries have been put on the scale of competition to measure their respective performances and economists have always been quick to jump with their comparative analysis. Yes, a comparision is inevitable since we all are happy about India's 7%-8% growth but however, the perennial question, which continues to haunt is : "Can India's growth match China?".

Leading economists are happy to point out that very soon, India is bound to witness many impending changes in the which collectively would give a 180-degree phase-shift to its economy, putting it very much in a place from where it can hold a torch,not just a candle, to china's accomplishments. The percentage of Young population in the Job sector (both Public & Private sectors) is on rise and very soon, this factor, as they opine, is going to be a Midas'Touch for the Indian economy. I agree on that for we have witnessed a new wave of entrepreneurial talent pool which is going great guns putting enterprises in India on the Global map.Also there are many other factors which might contribute to India's growth. Yet, i still have some arguments.

Exports is the one of the most important parameters guaged to study the performance of developing nations like India and China. China has been riding extremely bullish on its export front, and India is lagging far behind particularily in the merchandise exports. Consider this: India's total merchandise exports in the year 2005 were US $ 89.8 billion, up from US $ 80billion, which reflects only a 12.25% growth. A startling fact we must digest here is that China's merchandise exports touched US $ 593.4 billion, in the same year which is much higher than the Total exports of India and its growth rate was almost 36%. another startling piece of data is that in the last decade, India's share in the total Global exports grew from 0.55% to 0.9% while China's share grew from 1.1% to 4.6%. Now, Can india compete with this range of escalation?

It is not only the quantity, but also the quality and export segments where china has been steadily climbing up in the export ladder. There was a time when China's exports predomanantly consisted of textiles, toys and footwear. Today, a range of Technology-driven products have replaced these segments. very recently, i read that Data processing machines, Audio-Visual equipments and electrical/electronic machinery and appliances are the top exported product segments from China. Infact, the exports from these segments alone equals the total merchandise exports from India.

Chinese companies have managed to tap the markets very effectively and have aggressively pushed up their exports with phenomenal rapidity. somehow, i feel that this sort of aggressive attitude is missing among the Indian Counterparts.
Though the exact reasons for this underperformance, as compared to China, remain elusive to the analysts, one can apparently begin to believe that India is still to strike the right balance and equation between skilled labour and unskilled labour structures existing here. Last year, one article in Business standard revealed that China achieved a smooth transition from unskilled labour-intensive stage to semi-skilled-labour intensive stage to Captial-Intensive stage, which is currently evident in the Chinese manufacturing and export sectors. The graph of skill improvement and capital accumulation seem to be showing an upward trend, which also reflects the transition in export segments. Hence, the products which were among the topline a decade ago are now displaced by different stream of products. Such a remarkable transition cannot be possible without a coherence between the government policies and their understanding of Global markets and untapped potential.

From what i understand, China has brought the right reforms which allowed their companies to expand and bring the unskilled-labour intensive products into the capital-intensive segment, thereby creating an export market. India, on the otherhand , has a different scenario. The topline products are from the capital intensive segment only and a huge unskilled labour intensive segment is still left untapped. Why cant Indian manufacturers tap this? Why cant they corporatize this segment, individually or collectively? Very few entrepreneurs from this sector are trying to promote their products on global-platform which can give way for an organised sector over a period of time. But since these entrepreneurs need constant support, from the government policies, nothing can be speculated at this moment. Taking a liberal view, we can only hope that the evolution of an organised skilled-labour-intensive segment might be just a by-product of their efforts to gain a foothold in the national and global markets.

For them to metamorphosize into skill-labour intensive segment,or atleast a semi-skilled one, various other factors like quality of Education, Government's initiatives etc., come into picture.We very well know how well our governments have been/are performing on this front, for if there is anything which India lacks, it is efficiency at grass-root level, even if sufficient initiatives are proposed to develop these unskilled-labour-intensive sectors.But with a galore of oppurtunities lying untapped, why is it that our government failing to study and understand the markets? Why cant the Government bring in some reforms to allow the firms in this segment to tap the potential markets globally? Why cant it learn some lessons(or even blindly imitate) from neighbours instead of indulging in Chest-beating slogans like "India Shining?" why cant it focus on issues like these instead of resorting to blatant travesties of democracy like imposing Reservation Quotas , killing the worth of merit and grooming naxalites out of future entrepreneurs?

And When can India really Compete with China?

khalbali hai khalbali..khalbali hai khalbali..
khalbali hai khalbali.. hai khalbali..

shola shola balkhaye...dariya dariya lehraye..
zarra zarra tharraye..hai khalbali...

khalbali hai khalbali..khalbali hai khalbali..
khalbali hai khalbali.. hai khalbali..

Ziddi...ziddi ziddi..hai toofaan...
Ziddi..Hum bhi yahaan!

hone hone de nasha.. khone khone ko hai kya..
ek saans mein pee jaa.. zara zindagi chadaa..
hai yeh toh ek jashan.. tu thirakne de kadam..
abhi saanson mein hai dum.. abhi chalne de sitam..

aankhon mein hai khalbali..dhadkanon mein khalbali..
mausamo mein khalbali..hai khalbali..
kaisi yeh tabdili hai..sheeshi botal pee li hai..
raat neeli neeli hai..hai khalbali..

hum lapatke saaye hai..hum sulagne aaye hai..
ghar bataa ke aaye hai..hai khalbali..

khalbali hai khalbali..khalbali hai khalbali..
khalbali hai khalbali.. hai khalbali..

Ziddi..Hum bhi yahaan!

- Lyrics by Prasoon Joshi (from Rang De Basanti)

In 1998, the renowned Indian Institute of Technology sent 30 percent of all of its graduates to the U.S., including 80 percent of its computer science graduates. Indian Govt. spends over Rs.10Lakhs on each IIT graduate, during his IIT stint.

Much of the R&D in India goes to service research projects of only Imperialistic Countries.

The number of students flying to USA have increased double-fold in 1990s, compared to 1980s. A meaty chunk of this population have secured H1-B visas (working visas) and later on "GREEN CARDS" and are serving USA.

As on March 2001, more than a million Indian-born individuals were residing in the United States — more than double since 1990.

According to UNDP 2001, of the 81,000 U.S. visas approved between October 1999 and 2000, 40 percent were for Indians, of whom more than half were computer-related professionals, a sixth for sciences and engineering.

In 2001, the net fiscal loss associated with the U.S. Indian-born resident population ranges from 0.24% to 0.58% of its GDP.

The United Nations reports that India loses $ 2 billion a year in resources through the brain-drain of 100,000 skilled computer professionals to US alone.

When will this end?How?

For a change, i wish to post a write-up which is not mine. In today's TOI, eminent comunmnist Jug Suriaya wrote the following, since George Bush is visiting India. Good Spoof.

Here's Condy, come to give me a last-minute briefin' before I set off on my tour to Indiana beginnin' March 1. Hiya, Condy. I'm all set to go off to Indiana. What's that? I goin' not to Indiana — which is part of the good ole US of A — but to India which is a different place altogether? Well, well, you live an' learn every day. I always thought India was in Indiana, which is why they called it Indiana. Maybe when I'm there I should see if I could organise that somehow.
Condy says that the most important thing on my agenda in India is the nuclear deal. After all these years of sayin' 'no' to the Indian nuclear program, the US now wants to help India nuclearise like all get out. I ask Condy why. An' she tells me that if we don't give India nuclear energy, India and China will burn up all the world's oil. An' that would never do. 'Cos as a Texas oil man I know that it's only the US in general — an' Texas in particular — which has the God-given right to burn up all the world's oil. Condy says I'm not to ask too many questions about India's fast breeder projects. An' I tell Condy, Gee, I'd never ask anyone any questions about their breeder projects. I mean, with a population of a billion-plus, India must sure have one lulu of a fast breeder project, an' then some. But that's their business. We folk from Texas believe in the missionary position an' we don't talk in public about how people breed.

Condy asks me what will I say if the Indians ask me if I intend to launch a strike against Iran. An' I say, Heck, Condy, you know I don't believe in strikes an' all that labour union stuff. Nah, I'll just tell the Indians that I'll invite the Iranians over for a nice friendly bird shoot with my pardner, Dick Cheney. That'll take care of the Iranians, once and for all. Condy warns me that the Indians are likely to ask for a larger quota of H1B visas from the US. This surprises me. I know all foreigners are weirdos. Come to think of it, all those outside of Texas are weirdos. But why would these Indian weirdos, or anyone else, want a larger quota of HIV from the US? Don't they have enough AIDS of their own? Condy says, H1B not HIV. An' I say, H1B, huh? What do you know. There's a new disease every day. I'd say it was a result of global warmin'. Except of course I don't believe in global warmin' an' the Coyote Protocol an' all that environmental horseshit. Condy tells me I've gotta watch out for tricky questions on Iraq an' what I'm plannin' to do about gettin' out of Iraq an' settin' up a democratic rule there.

An' I tell her, Hey, that's simple. Democratic rule is what they want, right? I'll give 'em Democratic rule. Pack Al Gore and all them other Democrats to Iraq an' let them rule the place. That'll take care of everythin'. Includin' Al Gore. Condy tells me that Indians have this funny thing about hyphens. Like they'll invite you to a party-sharty, an' offer you a drink-shrink, an' some dinner-winner. But they don't like us Americans to use hyphens at all, particularly where Pakistan is concerned. Got it, I said. No Bush-Mush cracks, right? Condy says she hopes Bill won't upstage me by visitin' India the same time as I do. And I say, Clinton's visitin' India again? An' she says, Not that Bill, the other Bill, who's an even bigger hit in India than Clinton is. I don't know which Bill she's talkin' about. Bill Cosby? The Bill of Rights? Whatever. Condy says I must learn to say 'Hi' in Indian. An' I tell her, Don't worry, I know all about these ethnic greetings. When in India, you fold your hands together, an' smile, an' say: Sayonara. Or is it Gesundheit?