Hazy

Was it a long Hiatus? Not really! The exile stretched, but not for one month atleast. "But why", some might ask. Well, i was in a mood to practise the culture of Silence.

Many things happened over the last 25 days. I should have written about a couple of them on the blog, like Rang De Basanti movie review or my Trip to Coorg..but i couldnt write, which itself is another notable thing.

The run in Life has paced up to great extent these days."Days are moving fast"-said somone recently. Well, how come the days speed up or slow up! do they? they are afterall man-made creations...to measure time. They dont have life right! we pour life or lifelessness into days & nights...so, when we feel that time is moving slow, it is we who lie in the dungeons of lifelessness. So, when we fill our days with lively endeavours or even hectic work, we feel that days are moving fast.

My days intermittently move from swift-pace to slow-pace.infact, if the day runs fast, the night crawls.But many times, the day itself stretches into night..or rather..the things which i do (or hope to do in the day) stretch into the night thus blurring the line between day and night. No! i am not sweating out to make a career. Its just that i am trying to make something and i dont know whether anything worth will come out of it. As always, i cling to only one thing at the end of the day--HOPE.

To describe HOPE, we generally use two metaphors...Ray of Light...as in Ray of Hope..or a Thread..to which we cling..swing or whatever. And people like me embrace Hope, even in the worst situations...i call it "Being Hopelessly Hopeful"...thats what i am. because it is really difficult to dismiss one's hope and surrender to reality even though we practically know what the outcome of a certain crisis would be. Ok, if you think that i have made a stupid attempt to steer the thought towards another topic, then you are close to predicting me right. but not always.

The reason why i am wandering aimlessly in this post is that i have too many thoughts..inundated in my mind...waiting to breakfree and flow out...Forget it, let me come back to that word "Crisis". i dont have the patience to look into oxford dictionary to give the exact meaning, but yes, i can very well say that the definition would be a relative one. it has to be so. What seems like a crisis in my life ceases to appear so after a week..or 10days.So, is it again a Time-bound Perception.

today, in a class, i just tried to write down something which have created a havoc(over-statement) in my life recently.

Not many months ago, i lost my shoes. Then, i lost my spectacles. i got new ones. but then, they didnt last long. i lost them in no time. this time, Managing Finances was a tough task..but i managed to manage some and got new ones made. Next, i lost my Helmet. After that, my Parker pen, which had been my close-associate since 3-4 yrs. Now, i lost my spectacles again. i dont know when this cycle will break.

In Managerial Techniques, Time management holds a great significance. And while trying to become a good manager(ie.,.a financial manager...but the above paragraph aptly describes the paradox when it comes to me..isnt it a kind of oxymoron), i am a hopeless manager of time. thanks to that, many things are going for a toss. Social commitments, Family commitments, Blogging, Rapport with buddies, music, writing everything...and the tragedy is that i dont know where i am heading to..and what do i want in life. its such a haphazard journey that it pricks me everyday..The sense of direction seem to be totally hazy. If life is all about finding a job and making quick bucks, then that can be called as having a clear-cut agenda about career. But what about Life?isnt it different from career? everything is as confused as you are right now, reading this post, trying to figure out what this is all about.but thats exactly is the essential question haunting me.

And all bundled together is the crisis of my life currently. yet, i am still clinging to that glistening thread called Hope...a hope to find out what i want actually... there again you end up at my previous post.

When will the cycle break?