Anna's Diary

written by Anna, a Georgian Actress in Shekhar's Blog

It’s 4 AM at night and a frightening nightmare wakes me up. I am wearing outdoor clothes, that is not very comfortable in bed. But at that moment, I can’t feel it, since I am too scared...too scared that a huge noise might pierce my eardrums and brightness invade my whole vision. I stand up and look outside from the window. I look at the dark, cloudless sky and I look at the street lamps. I look at the deserted, empty pavement and then back at the sky. Then I turn around and go to bed. I hug my pillow tight and try to sleep as much as I can. But I can’t stop thinking about it...all those images of horrible scenes from the TV are flashing into my mind. Then I hear noise of a jet, flying above somewhere and I feel as my heart starts to beat faster and louder. Fortunately, that night goes well. Nothing happens in Tbilisi, the capital of Georgia.

The next day, I wake up and I am happy to see the sunny day. I am happy to be alive. I turn on the TV to see the news, hoping that the situation is getting better. But instead of that, it’s worsening. I see and hear how more and more villages and towns have been bombed and how more and more people have been killed. I see injured innocent people, crying, looking for their family members in ruins or on the list of dead people. I see young reservists, dead. I see blood and violence, grief and tragedy. My sister enters the room, crying. My niece is sleeping, so that’s why my sister has dared to cry. She won’t cry in front of her daughter. She does not want to scare her. I ask her what happened. And she tells me that a 19-year old cousin of her best friend has died due to the bomb explosion. I did not know him, but it still hurts me. It gives me a terrible pain inside, here, somewhere in the chest. It gives me a lump in a throat. The boy will never see his family and friends again. And his family and friends will never see him again. Because of what? What is the reason? Nothing! A complete absurd. I wonder how many young boys will never see their family again. Hundreds...thousands...

The time flows so imperceptibly fast. I have been watching the news since early morning. Now it’s midday. And suddenly I hear screams and cries from the neighbor’s house. The police is taking their son to the army. And his mother is crying and desperately begging them to let him stay. The father is not going to let his son die for a nonsense and he is shouting at them. But using force the police brings the youngster out of the house and puts him in the car with the rest of the boys. I am not a writer and I can’t describe what happened. I can’t express those emotions and feelings. I don’t know the exact words. The scene was ... it was just... horrible... unspeakable...

News: The United Nations proclaims to Russia to stop the violence, stop the fire, stop bombing the territories of Georgia outside the conflicted area, South Ossetia. But Russia turns a deaf ear to them. They keep on bombing more and more places...

Vladimir Jirinovsky says: “Bomb the whole Georgia day and night!”...

US Vice President Dick Cheney says that "Russian aggression must not go unanswered, and that its continuation would have serious consequences for its relations with the United States."...

Russia is “way out of line!”...

The USA and the EU needs to save Georgia from annihilation...

Russia is waging ‘terror’ against Georgia...

Russia wants the president of Georgia to resign, otherwise they won’t cease fire...

Russia wants to invade Georgia in 21st century...

What’s going to happen? Will it finally end? Will it stop soon?

I am packing rucksacks together with my sister and mother. It is expected that Tbilisi may also be bombed. So we should be ready for it. If it really is bombed, where should we run? Everything’s so crazy.

It’s night again. This time I am too exhausted to be dreaming nightmares. But I still wake up all of a sudden. I hear an awful, deafening noise of an enormous explosion. We all jump from our beds and leap to the windows. There’s another noise of a second explosion. My sister runs into the room all white as a sheet, asking what shall we do. We decide to go somewhere with her car. Outside there are so many people. Almost everybody has left their house. They are all so scared in a state of total panic. After some hours of drive into the city, we return home, since we don’t hear any more explosions. The things that’s scarier is that we are on the top floor, that means that if our house gets bombed, there’s no chance to survive. Heh... This fact always gives me a nervous, weird laughter.

The next day, we find out about it. Thanks god, nobody was harmed. Russian jets have bombed military base and radar installation. Suddenly I hear a telephone ring, that startles me. These days I feel so edgy, that everything startles me. I pick up and it’s my father, calling from the USA. He has heard about the Tbilisi bombing and wants to know how we are. From his shaky tone I notice that he is very nervous. He sounds so frightened. I have never heard my father in such state... Life is so strange.

And now I am sitting in front of a PC monitor and typing a boring, illogical article. I don’t know what I am trying to say...what I want to say... I just want to express my emotions somehow. I keep them bottled and it makes me feel like a heavy load.

I hope everything will get back to normal soon enough; soon before more thousands of people die; soon before Georgia completely collapses.