And Then...

Times and dates are man's inventions. So when the calendar is changing from 2010 to 2011, it is not that something is happening to our surroundings or nature or human minds. It is only that a number is changing. I wonder if people would have celebrated if there were no months but only days, numbered till infinity or if man developed the date co-ordinates with non-recurring unique names/numbers. By curious observations through science, mankind has given recurring scale co-ordinates to the movement of this planet and hence people feel that something is going to start now. In reality, I do not think anything new will happen as such, because what is changing is only the number on the calendar. The mind is still the same and so are the thoughts and they are not dictated by numbers we used to differentiate the time movements. Anyway, I do not mean to sound weird by writing all this. It is just my take on New Years day or Birthdays etc. But then, having accepted the system, we just tend to go with the flow and adapt ourselves to it. I too am trying the same. Now that 2010 is ending (what if some mathematician or scientist tells us that today is actually December 27th and not Dec 31st? Like how they change the time in their watches in the west, for Daylight saving etc.Will people change their calendars and cancel their Celebrations plans?), I too, like a million bloggers out there writing a "yearly round up", wanted to write one. I wouldn't have written one if it were a mere change in year. I am writing it only because 2010 was indeed an eventful year for me, compared to 2009, 2008, 2007. And it is that 'eventful'ness that I wish to record here.

2010 was perhaps a turning point for me, in ways more than one. The year began with me being with lot of operations related tasks - for my wedding and my sister's wedding. By a strange coincidence, both the weddings were on consecutive days.

I have seen people getting married and I knew that I would be in the line of fire too. But I was never much inclined towards this institution called marriage as such. Yes, I was open to living with a person with whom I would be striking that extreme level of comfort zone, in all my variant moods, temperaments and emotions. But whether to legally/socially bind with with this tag called Marriage - thats something I always wondered! But then, living in a South-Indian brahmin household, it would be considered too bohemian if I'd say that "I would like to live with this person". Lot of people tell me that people mellow down as they age and that the rebellious spark in them would soon fade out, once they move from 18 to 21 to 25 to 27. I don't know how much of a rebel i was and how much of it got faded. Sometimes I feel that it (if ever it existed), only intensified. I remember the days, my teens especially, when I used to visit a temple everyday. And now, I do visit it, but only when I feel like. And I have successfully kept away from crowded temples since last 3 years. For example, Tirupati - I am not sure if I'd visit it again ever, unless, by some miracle, they impose a curfew there and give only me the visiting pass for a day. Anyway, to end the digression, I feel there are facets of me which have mellowed down over years and there are facets of me which have become more aggressive. Going through the social function (of money spilling) called Marriage was inevitable. No matter how much I tried to keep it as a low-key affair, I have been snubbed by my previous generation and I had to give in. I drew a lesson here. I am not going to do the same, to my next generation.

Living with a new person in life, a life partner, was something I was apprehensive about. Apprehensive because I was more concerned about the person who would be sharing this space. I know and I have been told by my parents, that I am not an easy man to live with. So I wondered if she would really adjust. Looks like she managed well. And the peace of mind, i derive, out of this thought that I ended up marrying not some stranger but someone who is my alter-ego, in multiple dimensions... that's a great solace for me, that keeps me going even when I am entangled with negativities. Life gets lot easier when you live with a person who reads your silences and responds back with actions you'd expect. Not just about the match in the thought-frequencies and wave-length in the daily course of living, but a match in the likes/dislikes also adds more colour to life. I guess I couldn't have asked for more. It is like how a composer knows the precision of single note at a point of time. Just by a strange combination of knowledge, instinct and skill. You know what is exactly right and anything little more or little less is just going to spoil it. I do not have any skill but atleast by knowledge and instinct, I feel for sure that my partner is the exact fit, in my scheme of things.

If a compatible partner is one large and important part of the story, then having extremely wonderful in-laws with hardly any generation gap is another part. Imagine me experiencing a generation gap with my parents and yet not feeling the same when it comes to in-laws. Too cool eh!

I was/am extremely happy for my sister too, who got a fantastic person as her partner and a wonderful family. And ofcourse, I did enjoy the whole 2-day function affair.

2010 is also the year in which I took one of my interests seriously and made in into a passion, all thanks to my sister and her husband. They gifted me a DSLR and I immediately started learning it. Now I am about 7 months into it and although there is a huge pool out there from which I need to learn a lot, the growth so far has been satisfactory. It helped to think, to form my own school of thought, my own aesthetics etc. Aesthetics, many times, actually get borrowed... since, when we tend to like something, we indirectly appreciate the person who created it. And somewhere, the influence of that person does run in the mind. I think it is more true in the case of arts. But then, the aesthetics are not mere legacies that are passed on. Aesthetics get mixed up too, with our influences and our own innate thoughts. So, I think, the end result is a mishmash of influences and own signatures. I am still exploring myself and my thoughts using photography but the journey so far as been totally liberating. It is indeed a way of knowing myself a bit more.

The birthday surprise I got this year was probably the biggest surprise ever, in my life. A book of my poetry and photography. It also set a benchmark, for me and I am not sure if I will be able to live up to that or beat that. And by the way, I turned T-H-I-R-T-Y!

2010 was not all completely rosy too. I did have my share of few tensions, the shadows of which might hark again. But for now, I am ready to become one of the 3 monkeys, who refuses to see anything bad.

I have learnt to ignore lot of things in 2010. This has added a lot of energy to my patience levels. I have learnt to ignore negativities. More importantly, I am still trying to ignore things on which I have no control. I am trying to be less reactive about them. For instance, I am stopped being hopeful about the state of this country. I am quite convinced that greed has taken over the society. The levels of corruption in India would result only in multiplication of corruption. I mean, what if 98 out of 100 have 'don't care' attitude! I get to see this attitude even on our roads. Just count the number of vehicles that zoom past you on the right-side of the road, when you are waiting in a traffic jam. India is there... going to dogs. and I wouldn't even complain much about it, because I alone cannot change it. People themselves are not interested to change anyway. So, together lets all rot anyway, in this kind of system. And I would ignore this too.

I did good amount of traveling this year. I went to Goa in the beginning and then to Jim Corbett National Park in April. I also had been to Chennai couple of times and even to Bangalore. Had another trip to Delhi, Agra and Jaipur in December.

The 31st December Euphoria invariably makes people to plan things for the New Year. Call them resolutions or plans or whatever. Most people have new year resolutions. People who think that taking resolutions is cliche` or people who do not believe in resolutions, also do plan few things but would flinch at calling them as "Resolutions". I fall in the 2nd category. Yes, I do need to change few things in my life... some big and some small... but collectively speaking, a huge change is imperative, in the way I function. But I do not wish to publicize them. I just have them on the top of my mind and I hope I just work on them.

Adieu 2010! With all the mixed bag given to me, it is still a very important year in my life. And then, it all has to balance out anyway! I think it did, fairly well! But then i still have so many questions unanswered. A good part of my formative years is still breathing inside me. I still have many questions around many things and the habit of curiosity and question did not die anyway. So I think I got to keep pursuing the path, no matter how fast or slow the dates on the calendar change. After all, there are so many dreams, the seeds of some are still not sown.

Wishing everyone wonderful moments, no matter what the date is.

Life beckons! Bye!