The music didn't stop.The collision of my thoughts, didnt stop either. And that was no music in my mind.
Prisoners yearn to talk with strangers.Probably, they long to..just talk, be it with anyone. Yet, they maintain some dignity in the way they present themselves. They are very particular about not getting to reveal the reason why they are there. If someone asks upfront, "Why are you here?", they just look straight into the eyes and smile. A condemning expression, which is just enough to express disapproval, could actually make one feel guilty for asking it. Because it peels the veneers...of a wound, with which a prisoner lives everyday there..probably all hs life, sometimes.
I purposefully refrained myself from asking such personal questions. Yet, my informal chats with some prisoners unexpectedly steered towards such questions, the answers to which left me almost in a stoic state, for the rest of the day.
My interaction with other prisoners threw up some startling facts on my face. I didnt know how to react when a prisoner told me that over 30% of the prisoners there were actually innocent, and landed there only because they could not prove their innocence. False-cases! A sizeable chunk of people there got convicted in domestic-crime cases, such as dowry cases and suicides. There are some people who got convicted because their spouses committed suicides. Suicides for no great valid reason (is any reason valid enough?) but out of sheer depression due to frivolous reasons. The flautist there, i came to know(as narrated by another prisoner), was convicted for the same reason. His wife committed suicide, out of frustration..that he yelled at her in anger.The case filed was "dowry harrassment". He couldn't prove his innocence and in an attempt to save his parents, he took the blame.
In these situations, one might argue if what we are told by the prisoners stands for truth or not. Even i encountered the same thought, when i was talking to them. "Is it really the truth?" . A clutter of thoughts.. But then, i just thought - "what would this man gain by passing a fictitious story as truth?" Sympathy?? what sympathy can i shower on a person whom i meet only once in my life to interact for only 15 minutes? and what does it fetch him in return, materialistically? would a convict really bother about his image on my mind, when he knows that i am just a visitor there, a real stranger, and can't make a frigging different to his life, in whatsoever state it is? would he camouflague the real story for his "15 minutes of sympathy?". I dont know.. he might. He might not too. But i just took the facts by face, only because...if i were in his place, i wouldnt really care about what a visitor would think about me. Because a visitor..is a mere visitor and cannot change the status-quo of my life, in any way. So, if i were in his place, i would probably remain silent or even if i wish to speak, i might speak the truth as well.
One more guy i spoke to, had similar experience. He is an engineer and his brother is a IIT-grad now working in London. He said that he couldnt pay more money(after selling the pawning the property he had) to the Judge, during the time of his trial (4 yrs ago), for which, he has been sentenced for 5 years.When i asked "even Judges?", he said that, right from moment FIR is filed, it is only money which moves. Any particular post where the flow of money stops, the man ends up in jail. "95% of the judges are corrupt", he said. Given the recent case where the witnesses were openly bribed(shown on TV using cameras, but still, the briber/accused go scott free..it happens only in India), in a high-profile case stuck in Supreme Court, i felt that his estimate wouldnt be entirely wrong, though i hoped it could be an exaggerated estimate. whatever! i felt like spitting on the Indian Judiciary, on which my faith had always been going down...to zilch.
I learnt that the typical 7 year imprisonment is actually not 7 years and that it would actually come down to 4.5 to 5 years, if the behaviour of the convict is good.But what if the convicted person is actually innocent? to think of it, how many innocent people! being in jail is what? is it loss of just liberty? or loss of life tooo, although it is not a death sentence? its 4-7 years? it is loss of everything. career, personal life, personal moments, relationships, dreams, possible futures, hopes. its loss of life. whats left? its 4-7 years of waiting. frustration. anger and all consummating into - "making of another criminal". i am sure, if i were falsely convicted for any reason, i would definitely become a criminal by the end of my sentenced period. and Who makes such criminals!! Our Law! Our Judiciary!
I dont know how prisons were before, but there are some fair things about the one i visited. Prisoners have the opportunity to keep themselves occupied during the day. There are two factories where some of them work. Then, there are courses such as polytechnic, electronics, arts etc. hich some prisoners take up. Everyday, meditation classes are conducted there, which a good number of prisoners attend. if the conduct of a prisoner is really good, he is even allowed to speak to his family almost daily if they visit him. Otherwise, typically, they are allowed some 30 minutes to 60 minutes on any day in a week. But i thought for a moment, "what would the waiting for that moment, be like?" and after waiting for a whole week, if a prisoner's family do not visit him, for some reason, what kind of thouughts hark in his mind? Restless ones? if so, of what magnitude?
By evening, we bid good-byes to the prisoners. Since we were running short of time, we could go around only through some corridors of the prison. I understood that prison is no different from a hostel or a dormitory, except for the fact that the basic rights of a person are stripped.
with a variety of mixed feelings, i got into the bus, to head back home. The events of the day rolled like a mini movie in my mind again and gave me many thoughts, at the end of the day, two of which are :
1. One of the most priceless yet valuable things in life, apart from life, is Liberty. The liberty to chose one's own moment(s) and to make many such choices which make up a living.
2. We need to have gratitude for whole a lot of things such as: our own luck, for being born where we are born. Then, for our upbringing and the education we had. A gratitude for the sense of rationality which was groomed in us, by people, environment, our own thoughts etc. and good deal of gratitude for our own choices till date. and not to forget, a deeper sense of gratitude for that unknown which didnt set up anything so worse for us, that would have landed us in there.
i came home at 6:00pm, with heavily loaded thoughts. As usual, i wanted to run away from them, because there was a feeling of those thoughts blasting and suffocating my mind. Unable to handle them all...i choose to take a nap.
And i slept. Again...
'Within yourself, deliverance must be searched for, because each man makes his own prison'
- Anonymous
